Living in the Scoot Utopia

ScooterFashion™ Tip #7

If you dress like you are not welcome at the Brooksider, nor should be welcome anywhere else in public for that matter, then...

Continue reading "I See a Bad Moon Rising" »

Posted by ScooterJ at 05:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There's a limit to the number of intact dead animals one should wear on one's body at one time, and that limit is zero.

This man is wearing at least 4 times more than the limit + 1.

After seeing him I was curious what sort of vehicle he had arrived in. I have a pretty good inkling it may be this one:

Posted by ScooterJ at 07:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My favorite mall in the metro area is Independence Center, but the fact that I only go there about once a year tells you how much I like malls. But I was there last night, and one thing I noticed was how many gangsta wannabes are slinking around that place these days.

You can't really see it in any of my camera phone shots, but this guy's rear pockets are located on the backs of his knees. It would not be possible for him to carry his wallet (or, as he'd more likely want to pretend to, someone else's wallet) in these pockets because they folded into the knee joints with each step.

I'm sorry, but when the already horrible "fashion" of saggy jeans gets that low you no longer look intimidating or threatening, you just look saggy-ass stupid.

A few minutes after seeing that guy I saw another guy that I was unable to get a shot of. He was short, had his ball cap rotated clockwise about 220° and sitting off-kilter off the top-left side of his mini-fro, had his pants down even lower to where you could see the belt-line below his knee-length shirt, was walking "the walk"... all this while pushing a stroller.

I literally stopped in my tracks and stared at this chump.

Sorry, if you are shopping at the Independence Center, you are already not gangsta. Doing so with a stroller makes it even worse. I don't care how far down around your ankles your pants are, your other homies are never going to be able to shoot you if they can't stop laughing long enough to draw their weapons. So give it up.

A few minutes after I encountered this guy I came across living proof that gansta wannabes in shopping malls are not intimidating and instead are just placed there for our amusement. In another case of pants-so-low-the-pockets-are-on-the-calves, this next guy tripped over his own saggy britches and fell flat on his face. While walking at the whopping speed of about 2 miles per hour. There's no way a guy like this is going to kill anyone. This Chumley could never chase them down, and by the time he can reach down far enough to find his gun his victim will alreay have sprinted half a mile away.

Now, I do have a few notes for some of the suburban white people I saw too:

* To two different men I saw: If it's cold enough that you are wearing your winter coat, you do not wear shorts at the same time. Especially not in public. Stop looking stupid.

* To the teenager I saw dressed like Ali G: If while running to catch up to your friends you have to grip with both hands to keep your pants up, it's time for a new look.

Posted by ScooterJ at 09:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Guys, I don't care what kind it is, if your favorite shirt hangs to your knees or below, it is not a shirt. At that point it has become a dress. Wear it all you want in the privacy of your own home and admire yourself in the mirror if that is your thing. But never, ever, wear your dress in public again.

Posted by ScooterJ at 10:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When I spotted this fella walking in front of me earlier today I was overwhelmed with an urge to document the fashion foibles on display.

• First of all -- pleated pants. (Hat tip to Ken for spotting that one.)

• Secondly -- WHITE SOCKS?!?

• And finally -- if I can see your white socks when you are standing, your pants are too short.
  

More "Scooter Fashion Don'ts" to come!

Posted by ScooterJ at 11:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)