Living in the Scoot Utopia

On Wednesday, August 9, 2006, my friend Brandon and I headed north and started barhopping on a journey that would end up taking us to 76 bars over 5 days. Over the next several days we will recount our story. What you are about to read was accomplished by trained experts in boozology who took utmost care in terms of safe and legal behavior. Do not try this at home. So sit back, relax, and read on as we do the drinking for you.

Day 1 - Rural South Central Iowa
Wednesday, August 9, 2006
Where we visit some of the smallest towns we have ever seen and meet some colorful characters including a rather entertaining drunk...

We departed Kansas City around 8:30 in the morning and headed north on I-35. Our first stop was Brandon's old college town.

Lamoni, IA

10:45am
#1 The Raging Buffalo (restaurant side) / Characters Sports Bar (bar side) [map]
Brandon: Busch Light
Scott: Busch Light
Located right in the heart of downtown. A big place with lots of TVs and memorabilia. Officially the bar proper is only open on weekends. The rest of the time, while you can still order alcohol, a huge red curtain hides the bar so that the extremely conservative locals won't have to be offended by seeing it while they are eating.

After the bar we had a pretty decent pizza at The Pizza Shack while Brandon read off trivia cards. We also drove around to see the Graceland University campus and the houses Brandon used to live in.

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Davis City, IA

Monie's Place was closed. We took a picture of its former location; the new location was in another old building a block away. Brandon had called ahead the week before and learned they typically open at 4pm sdo we figured we'd probably miss this one. But the owner also mentioned that she'd open whenever she feels like it if she knows there would be customers. We decided not to try to track her down though for just one beer.

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Leon, IA

12:10pm
#2 Bear's Den Pub [map]
Brandon: Bud
Scott: Bud
This place had a roulette-like game that used the ceiling fan as the spinner.

Kort House Lounge
A couple of people were stepping out of the Bredeaux Pizza across the street as we were taking a picture. We walked up to the door and found it locked. Just then the older man who had seen us take the picture asked if he could help us. It turned out he was the owner! A former county judge, he had opened the bar after retiring and mentioned that his mail used to wind up at the courthouse and vice versa. However 2 years ago after having coronary bypass surgery he had to make the bar smoke-free for his own health, and business dwindled off too much to keep the bar open. It is now a liquor store.
The logo was the scales of justice with a beer on one side and a martini on the other. "We Serve Just Us"

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Decautur City, IA

12:42pm
#3 Poor Boy's [map]
Brandon: Miller Lite
Scott: Miller Lite
Lots of dead animals on display, and showers in the restrooms, leading Brandon to believe this used to be a hunting lodge.

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Kellerton, IA

1:15pm
#4 K-Town Legends [map]
Brandon: Bud Light
Scott: Miller Lite
We drove onto the main strip in this quiet little town, lined with several run-down buildings, some empty, but many being rather architecturally interesting buildings. This was probably a pretty little town back in its day. As for the bar, it had no signage anywhere outside or inside that told us what the name was so we had to ask the bartender. We noticed some bowling trophies on a shelf above us, and a back room behind a curtain that we didn't go check out.

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Mt. Ayr, IA

1:48pm
#5 Smith's Sports & Spirits [map]
Brandon: Miller Lite
Scott: Bud Light
This place was a lot more of a restaurant but the kitchen was already closed, not reopening again until supper. We sat at the bar towards the back of the dining room to enjoy our drinks and get some info from the bartender about other places in town.

2:04pm
#6 The Office [map]
Brandon: Bud Light
Scott: Miller Lite
When we stepped inside we found the bartender sitting in a chair behind the far end of the counter watching soap operas on a little TV she had set up on a stand. After serving our drinks she returned to our soaps and we don't think she ever said another word. As she watched her show, Brandon scanned the room and spotted a piece of bar decor on a shelf fashioned to look like a bucket of Miller High Lifes.

We next tried to go to a place called Lefty's but found it to be closed.

We then embarked on a long, winding route until we reached a town known for its printing museum...

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Diagonal, IA

2:48pm
#7 G&L Bar & Grill [map]
Brandon: Bud Light
Scott: Bud Light
From the outside this was probably the most run-down looking of any place we visited but once we stepped in we found that it wasn't too bad. While I was using the restroom the bartender swiped Brandon's driver's license through a device that verified his age. We were surprised that of all places, this was the first we ever saw such technology. The bartender seemed a little bit nervous about us at first but she warmed up to us a little after a while.

Once we were done here it took us a little bit to figure out how to get to our next highway -- in part because out here highways look like any other narrow barely-paved road.

---

Our next town to visit was Tingley, a place we had been anticipating all day because we liked saying the name. When we arrived, however, we could not find the bar that was supposed to be there. We stopped at a general store and I went in and asked how to get to the local bar.

"We used to have a bar, but the crazy people of this town went and voted to make this a dry town. So now the closest bar is over in Ellston."

Now, Ellston wasn't on our planned route and as we had driven around Tingley we noticed that the highway leading towards Ellston was closed.

"Oh, it's not really closed," one of the customers said. "Just go around the barricades and drive on through. No one is working today."

So we did - and set out navigating a stretch of dirt "highways" that looked like they had been hit by mortar fire. Most of these roads carried multiple routes, so there were some pretty complicated guideposts.

Finally we arrived in Ellston, population "Oh about 40" according to one of the locals.

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Ellston, IA

3:38pm
#8 Darlene's Place [map]
Brandon: Miller High Life
Scott: Miller High Life
"We're damn lucky to have this place," said one of the two locals having a few drinks inside. "I don't know how much longer we'll have it, though, the owner's getting up in years," he added. I really wanted to get a picture of these guys, they were the classic extremely-rural older farmers. We sat at the short-end of this L-shaped bar in this well-lit space and enjoyed the presence of a stuffed and mounted goat head on the wall smoking a cigarette.

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Arispe, IA

We assumed the bar would be in the town proper so we turned right to go down the main strip. We did not find a bar but did find both City Hall and the Library.

We returned to the highway on another road and found that the bar was right by the highway after all.

4:11pm
#9 Long Branch Lounge [map]
Brandon: Coors Light
Scott: Coors Light
This place had a pretty big dance floor. When Brandon explained to the bartender that we had come up through Lamoni, she told us all about her sons going to school at Graceland University on a football scholarship and how they are required to eat at least 2 meals on campus each day.

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Afton, IA

The original County Seat of Union County

4:28pm
#10 Bert's Pub & Grub [map]
Brandon: Bud Light
Scott: Miller Lite
This was a really cool looking building and looked like a place you'd expect to find in one of the older downtown areas in KC. It had an awesome wood floor, very high ceiling, and a bar wrapped in leather. Our bottles were served up in beer cozies. We noticed what looked like an old fashioned elevator in the back and asked the bartender about it. She told us that the building used to be a Gamble's department store and that the elevator was hand-operated -- you simply pulled on a rope and an elaborate system of pulleys would lower and raise the platform with ease. It had been used to bring goods upstairs in the past, now they use it to take out their trash. She got on and gave us a demonstration of how it worked. Later she showed us old pictures of the building as a department store, then took us to the back room that to our surprise was set up for pole dancing and cage dancing. We ended up tripling our tip.

5:12pm
#11 TJ's [map]
Brandon: Miller Lite
Scott: Miller Lite
After Bert's Place having a beer in what was essentially a Butler building wasn't quite as enchanting but this was still a fairly nice little place. At least we got to see a guy driving a lawnmower as we entered.

As we left we saw several people in a park across the street playing basketball fully clothed, including jeans "Who plays basketball in jeans when it's 100 degrees?" Brandon asked.

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Creston, IA

Creston, the County Seat of Union County, had been planned to be our stopping point for the night.

5:58pm
#12 Elms Club [map]
Brandon: Bud Light
Scott: Bud Light
Unfortunately I don't really remember this place.

6:28pm
#13 Goodtime Charley's [map]
Brandon: Miller Lite
Scott: Miller Lite
This was a fairly large place with a long bar, font and rear entrances, that was split lengthwise with the bar and some dining tables on the south side and a separate overflow dining room on the north side, a split-level a few steps down. I had to use the restroom but when I went to check it out found that the one-hole men's room was clogged. "Out of order," I said to Brandon as I returned to the bar. "I'll bet there's one downstairs," Brandon said. I went downstairs and sure enough found one... with the lid down and encrusted with smears of dried fecal. Grabbing a paper towel I gingerly lifted the lid. Upon returning I said "In case you need to use the restroom I left the lid up, you'll understand why and thank me for it."

We exited through the rear and proceeded to...

7:02pm
#14 Montgomery Street Pub [map]
Brandon: PBR
Scott: PBR
A fairly small place with an L-shaped bar and a slightly rowdy crowd. One guy was particularly drunk and tossed out a few bucks to buy a shot for a newlywed couple at the other end of the bar.

7:35pm
#15 American Legion - Post 70 [map]
Brandon: Miller Lite
Scott: Miller Lite
I was starting to feel a bit of intoxication here. We munched from styrofoam cups of snack mix and I found that the restroom had the smallest trough-style urinal I had ever seen.

8:14pm
#16 Eagles Lodge - Post 1398 [map]
Brandon: Miller Lite
Scott: Miller Lite
The bar area was quite large and located on the upper level. We think this may have been a members-only place because we were supposed to sign in up front, but no one was looking so Brandon suggested we just stroll in "like we know what we're doing". This place had a big, rectangular bar. As we drank our beers we didn't really notice that the drunken guy from the Montgomery Street Pub was also there.

When we left, that same guy had left seconds ahead of us, and he began to stumble down the stairs. Brandon grabbed him to steady him and he thanked us. He then went into a spiel about how his wife and son had beaten him earlier that night so the police took him to the bars to get him away from then. He pulled up his pants legs to reveal several scrapes and bruises to support his claim. He said that they do it to him all the time. Eventually the topic of where we were from came up and when we said "Kansas City" he got really excited. "No shit?" he began, "my daughter's a Kansas City Chiefs Cheerleader!"

We didn't believe him, but he insisted. "Come on, they have the posters and she's on the calendar. I'll prove it."

He led us back to the Montgomery Street Pub, where as soon as we stepped in the bartender looked him on the eye and said "No, no more tonight." "I'm just here to show them the calendar," replied our new friend. "Oh," said the bartender, "we don't have that anymore, it was for last month." "So is it true?" we asked, "Is his daughter really a Chiefs cheerleader?"

"Yes, she is," vouched the bartender and several patrons.

After we managed to lose the drunken dude, who now wanted us to go with him to his shop to see the poster he had there, we were going to head on out of town. But then my eagle-eye spotted...

9:02pm
#17 Twilight Zone [map]
Brandon: Miller Lite
Scott: Miller Lite
Everything about this place screamed dance club from the outside and we were a bit hesitant, but once inside we saw no prominent signs of a dance floor. Brandon noted that the different font of the letter "W" was likely the only thing making this bar's logo not be a trademark violation. Both Miller and Bud had sponsored their signage.

When we first arrived in town we noticed a building on the opposite side of the tracks that looked like it had bar potential. Now as we were about to leave we noticed it did indeed have some neon signage in the windows. We went to check it out and sure enough, it was a bar.

9:45pm
#18 Sidetracked Again [map]
Brandon: Bud
Scott: Bud
Due to the extreme darkness a good picture could not be obtained either outside or inside. But this bar's most prominent feature was a large Hamm's bear inside the front window. We asked the bartender why it was called "Sidetracked Again". "'Sidetracked' comes from being next to the railroad tracks. We used to be on the other side, but the city closed us down because they said they needed to build a store there. So then we moved over here and now we're 'Sidetracked Again'."

By the time we left here a really eerie fog had set in. It was still too early to stop so decided to head east. We gassed up at a cricket-infested service station (note the discarded cigarette next to the fuel pumps) and started heading east.

The road was dark and empty, with fog in the valleys and a nearly-full moon in the sky. We knew of two small towns ahead that we were going to check for bars in, but never spotted them. Halfway to Osceola, our backup stopping-for-the-night town, we had to pull over to the side of the road to release some bio-processed beer into the wild. As we headed back down the road the fog kept sticking to Brandon's windows and was starting to piss him off

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Osceola, IA

Home of the Terrible's casino. We got ourselves a room at the Blue Haven Motel near the center of town (can't beat the price!) and headed back out into the foggy night...

11:17pm
#19 West Side Tavern [map]
Brandon: Bud Light
Scott: Bud Light
Young crowd, bolted leather seats, country music, 5 ceiling fans with none of them on. I got a phone call and was yakking on the phone for about 5 minutes, irritating Brandon. Baby food jars with holes poked in the lids served as salt shakers.

11:49pm
#20 Plain Jane's [map]
Brandon: Miller Lite
Scott: Miller Lite
The guy behind the bar confirmed that there were only 3 "real" bars in town.

12:02am
#21 Rookies [map]
Brandon: Coors
Scott: Coors
Last stop for the night. Good sized bar. There were 2 girls and a guy chain-smoking next to Brandon.

We stopped off at another cricket-packed gas station (with fogged up windows) to get some snacks. Fiery habanero Doritos, Pizza crackers, beef sticks, candy bars, and a gallon jug of water. I also learned not to use an ATM while drunk. We returned to the motel and snacked away. By morning we had polished off half the jug of water.

Stay tuned, Day 2's adventure is coming soon!

Posted by ScooterJ at 09:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

On Saturday, July 22, I set out for my most ambitious walk yet, a 32 mile loop through Eastern Jackson County. And I would have succeeded had I not taken a bad step around mile 15 that eventually became too painful an ankle injury for me to continue. But I did at least manage to get 25 miles in -- 48,192 steps burning 3,142 calories -- over a 10-hour period (8.25 hours of walking time).

It was a great day for a walk, though the early morning clouds made me a bit nervous. I started out in southeastern Oak Grove just after 7am and had a nice loop planned that would take me through four different communities and the dwindling rural countryside between them. I did manage to hit all four before the ankle injury made me have to stop.

I began the day by locking my keys in the trunk of the car as soon as I arrived in Oak Grove, spares were brought to be along the way later in the day. The journey also included an amazing coincidence as I encountered another walking blogger who has posted comments on my site before.

Here's a map of the intended route, click on it for a large, detailed version...



There's a whole lot of pictures this time so I am putting them in the extended version of this entry. If you are viewing this on my main page, click the "Continue Reading" link below to see the pictures and read the full details of the story. Enjoy!

Continue reading "(Sub)Urban Walk #6: 32 25 Miles in the EJC (My First Failure)" »

Posted by ScooterJ at 10:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

The following barhopping walk, which covered 6.5 miles, actually took place back on June 9. This writeup was originally intended to be a substitute Night Ranger column for The Pitch, but it's just too hard to condense 15 bars into a format suitable for print and keep it interesting. So now, without further delay, here's the rundown of that day. (Kudos to Ken for helping with the writing and Seth for taking good notes.)

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"I might as well be preparing to write my own obituary."

These were the words going through my mind on Friday an hour before leaving to begin an afternoon of barhopping for this column. I was still recovering from a nasty summer cold, my head was throbbing, and it was 92 degrees outside but there were brews with my name written on them awaiting. Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

The rules for these jaunts are simple: you go walking from bar to bar, drink one beer, and move on.

Meeting up with my buddy Seth, we set out on our adventure.

Stop #1: The Caddy Shack, 700 E. 3rd St. (12:55pm)

Setting foot inside the golf-themed bar and grill, we teed off our drinking run alongside the few remaining patrons still there from lunch. Rose, our bartender, not only served us our drinks but also whipped up a batch of butter drizzled popcorn. There is a God.

Beers consumed: Bud Light (me), Bud (Seth)

Back into the heat we went and soon arrived at...

Stop #2: The Red Front, 310 Admiral Blvd. (1:28pm)

The unmistakable bright red paint job made it clear we had found the right place. Now well past lunch hour, we found ourselves alone in this clean, well-maintained gem whose claim to fame is the Red Front Bull Shooters. Don't even think about challenging them to darts, as the Shooters are the Spring 2006 ADA champions.

Beers consumed: one Pale Ale apiece

Stop #3: Tarantino's, 601 McGee (2:00pm)

Three weeks ago this place was known as The Garage but under new management it's been reinvented as Tarantino's, a full-service eatery.

We settled in at the small bar where Trish, our server, poured us our selections and then took our lunch orders.

"This is the first time I've ever used the taps here," she said. Nothing like taking a tap's virginity. I doubt, though, that it'll remember its' first.

With the occasional interruption of a nearby drill as power was being installed to run additional air conditioning, we dined on our food. Seth's tenderloin and thick, seasoned fries were all he had hoped for. My calzone was generously stuffed with hot, melted cheese. Man Food. Food good enough to keep drinkers going.

As we finished up we were startled by the sound of the garage door beginning to close behind us, shutting us off from the rest of the world. Joe, the owner, quickly hit a button and the door reversed its course.

"The neighbor behind us is on the same frequency," Joe laughed, "that's something we'll have fixed soon."

Beers consumed: One Bud Select apiece

Stop #4: The Stables Bar & Grill, 813 Walnut. (3:20pm)

Somewhere between Tarantino's and Stables, I managed to mysteriously cut a 3-inch gash on my leg. Seth pointed out my blood-soaked calf, which I hadn't even noticed, and we walked into the place with me looking like I'd been on the losing side of a break dancing contest.

While I attended to my cut in the restroom, Seth ordered our beers. Guys? Lemme tell you - chicks dig a guy with paper towels pressed to a bleeding leg. You heard it here first.

The Stables interior is very dimly lit as the windows are covered in a dark plastic. About a dozen other people were in there with us, surrounded by the country-western décor and a jukebox playing '50s rock.

Beers consumed: Bud Light (me), Newcastle (Seth)

After finishing our beers we began walking to our next bar as the sound of an unusual amount of sirens blared around us...

Stop #5: The 12th Street Rag, 200 W. 12th. (4:06pm)

Arriving nearly 25 minutes before opening time, we figured we were pinched. The bartender, however, was nice enough to unlock the door and let us inside. We seated ourselves at this very long bar in the lobby of the Marriott Hotel and ordered our round.

The bar includes a large seating area, a dance floor, and a stage with a grand piano. We finished up shortly before the piano player was slated to begin. We weren't in the mood for a melody, but the beer had sure gotten us to feelin' all right.

Beers consumed: Guinness (me), Miller Lite (Seth)

As we headed east to find our next bar we found ourselves at the scene of a horrific bicycle accident that was the reason for the sirens we had heard earlier. Our destination was somewhere just beyond this tragedy.

Arriving at 12th & McGee we looked in both directions trying to find our bar, which was supposed to be where we were standing. Walking a block north revealed nothing. South? Squat. It must have gone out of business, or so I thought. If not for one last quick glance over my shoulder to spy a tiny, unlit sign in a window, I would have passed up on THE find of my Friday afternoon.

Stop #6: Zoo Bar, 1220 McGee (4:40pm)

We stepped in the door and immediately realized we were strangers walking into a place populated entirely by regulars. One woman moved her purse and made room for us so that we could sit.

"What do you have on tap?" we asked.

"Absolutely nothing," she replied.

From that moment we knew this would be our favorite stop.

As we drank our cans o' hooch and looked around, we took in the décor: stuffed animals (we're not talking plush, kids), shelves of liquor that seemed to be leaning forward, and decades of patron-penned writings covering the walls. I was home.

Conversation moved to the bike tragedy that had taken place a block away. We all paused for a moment as the TV aired a live update about the accident. Then a gentleman at the end of the bar wondered aloud if the victim was "one of them 'Bees'" (the Downtown Community Improvement District workers in the yellow and black uniforms).

"I hope not," said a woman two bar stools away. "They help keep out the riff-raff. You know that old bus stop on 13th that's not used anymore? I looked out the office window and I saw two people out there. I turned to my coworker and said 'Call the DCID, those people are fucking!'"

"Excuse me, " Seth asked, "Did you say they were fucking?"

"Yeah, fucking, right there in broad daylight."

"As in 'fucking' fucking?" Seth quizzed.

"Yep, she was straddled on his lap, and they were all grinding up and down."

Huh.

Moments later the weather report came up on TV and the bar erupted with talks about Katie Horner.

"I'm afraid to turn on the TV on a sunny day," began one of the regulars. "She's liable to ruin the whole fuckin' deal. She'll say 'someone having too much fun might have a heart attack and die.'"

"Everyone stay indoors and take cover!" quipped another regular, waiving his arms frantically in the air.

"Damn right," local Zoo Bar legend Larry said. "This bitch is ate up with the dumb shits!"

We did not want to leave this place but had many more places to visit. Just before we left, Seth noticed that the older, white flowing beard-wielding guy to his right drinking Goldschlager.

"So what's the deal with that, is that really flakes of gold?" Seth asked him.

"That's right, it's good for you. Minerals. A couple shots of Goldschlager and then some shots of Patron and you'll be shitting gold Mexican coins the next day...but they ain't worth shit."

Beers consumed: One Miller Lite apiece

If this column were a movie, this next portion would be the montage...

Stop #7: Grinders, 417 E. 18th St. (5:30pm)

Beers consumed: PBR (Seth), Bully! Porter (me)

Stop #8: The Brick, 1727 McGee (6:20pm)

(Where we were joined by Aaron and Bev, aka The New Tragedies)

Beers consumed: PBR (Seth), Miller Lite (me)

Stop #9: The Cigar Box, 1519 Grand (6:58pm)

Due to us arriving just at the end of Happy Hour, we got two beers for the price of one. Usually free beer warrants applause but there are rules to be upheld here. Rules, however, are meant to be broken on occasion. This was one such occasion.

Beers consumed: Two Miller Lites apiece

Stop #10: JP Wine Bar, 1526 Walnut (7:54pm)

Beers consumed: PBR (Seth), Bully! Porter (me)

The next stop wasn't a conventional bar stop, but one we had to make nonetheless.

Stop #11 - The Screenland Theater, 1656 Washington (8:54pm)

Because we arrived here well after the start of the night's last feature, the bartender seemed puzzled by our arrival.

"Um, we're just here to have a drink," Seth said.

A smile grew across the bartender's face. "That's the coolest thing I've heard all night! Come have a seat!"

The Screenland shows current indy flicks along with choice "classics" from time to time. While we drank, I made sure to note that there are three very important films they NEED to show as part of their classics series. "Flash Gordon, Clash of the Titans, and The Last Dragon."

Flash, The Kraken, and Leroy?!? You can all thank me later.

Stop #12: PR's Place, 1741 Washington (9:22pm)

Remember the scene in "Weird Science" when the guys step into the bar alongside Kelly LeBrock and everything immediately goes silent? Well, that happened here...'cept we didn't have Kelly LeBrock with us.

The mostly-Hispanic clientele stopped talking and all eyes locked on us. Heads slowly turned to follow us as we nervously made our way to the empty chairs at the far end of the bar.

The bartender was terrific and, within moments, made us feel welcome. This ended up being one of our favorite stops.

Beers consumed: One Bud apiece

In this last shot I am rotating an imaginary globe in order to try to answer Seth's question about what time it currently was in Germany.

Stop #13: Taqueria Mexico, 910 Southwest Blvd. (10:08pm)

We...were...starving.

"I'm gonna eat the fuck out of this place," Seth said after we were handed our menus. Food!!!

Beers consumed: Carta Blanca (Seth), Dos Eqquis (me)

"Seth and, um, B... um, Seth and...uhhhh... I forgot my name!" fumbled a buzzed Bev, trying to announce that she and Seth wanted some sangria.

Stop #14: La Bodega, 703 Southwest Blvd. (11:08pm)

All we needed was a pitcher of sangria. Finishing that off, we called it a night.

Beers consumed: None, pitcher of Sangria

Our adventure had come to an end. We said our goodnights and parted ways...but I had just one more stop to make.

Stop #15: Winslow's, 20 E. 5th Street. (12:32am)

On other days I've been in to see bikers bending one another over the bar and whooping asses with belts. This was not one of those nights: the band was long gone and place was nice and quiet. I capped my night off with a Guinness.

The total haul came to fifteen bars, fifteen beers, half a pitcher of sangrias, a 3-inch leg gash, and a very tired guy that could only dream that night of a return trip to Zoo Bar in the near future.

Damn you, Katie Horner.

Posted by ScooterJ at 05:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

On Saturday, June 24, I went on my longest walk ever and have probably found the limits of my endurance. Or at least, the limits of my endurance when the weather is crappy. :) For this walk, I started just outside the northern leg of I-435 and began walking south, bisecting the city, until I crossed the southern leg of I-435. The total time period was 12 hours and 55 minutes, which included a 1 hour lunch break and about 2 hours in rain delays. The total distance covered was 28.9 miles. I took 55,283 steps, burned 3,689 calories, went through 3 pairs of socks, had to dive under shelter from heavy rain 5 times, and got 6 blisters on my feet. :) I took several pictures along the way, scroll down to have a look. You can also click the route map to the left to see a larger version. First off, an overview of the route: My friend Brandon dropped me off at I-435 & North Woodland at 7:45am. That's him driving away. Crossing I-435 the first time... Heading south on North Woodland... The first signs of civilization... A nice little fishing pond in one of the subdivisions I walked across. I took a zig-zag route initially to avoid the lack of shoulders on Woodland and a construction zone on North Oak. A few blocks later a guy who was obviously lost pulled over and asked me for directions to a specific address nearby. "Actually, I'm not from around here either," I said, "but you definitely asked the right person, as I happen to have a detailed map of this neighborhood in my pocket." I then whipped out the page from Google Maps that I had printed out to mark my route through this neighborhood and showed him exactly how to get where he needed to go. I reached North Oak at 96th Street, begining the first really long straight segment. I was surprised to see other people out walking. Crossing MO-152... Construction on North Oak, and my first glimpse of the Downtown skyline... Crossing I-29, which would have been scary if the traffic were heavier since the almost non-existent shoulder turns into the on-ramp... Continuing south past a lovely neighborhood of check cashing places... The first really good skyline view... I was a little worried about getting mowed down going around this bend... The next five pictures are of the New Urbanism development at the north end of North Kansas City, along Swift... The former Osco and future CVS at Armour & Swift... The next two pictures are from a courtyard in downtown NKC where I took a short rest as a jazz band played... Looks like someone ran their car into the front of this building, and it appears to be in extreme danger of collapse. A well-worn footpath heading up to the Heart of America Bridge. If MODOT doesn't think there's demand for a safe pedestrian/bicycle path across the Missouri River, they need to see this photo. Crossing over the railyards... Crossing the Missouri River... When I reached the River Market I took a lunch break, and just as I finished lunch a strong storm erupted. By the time the lightning stopped and the rain let up enough to continue, I lost just over 2 hours of valuable time. From 3rd Street until 67th Street it rained on me non-stop. I pressed on in light rain and made my way south through Downtown... As I entered the Crossroads it looked like the worst of the weather was over. Soaked, I stopped in Union Station to use the restroom, dripping my way right through a wedding party. :) The first set of many steps up to Liberty Memorial as I cut across Penn Valley Park. My God that's a lot of steps! On Broadway, as I crossed Linwood, I got stuck in an extremely heavy sudden downpour. I took shelter under an awning with a couple of locals and was stuck there for nearly half an hour until the rain subsided enough to continue. The rain let up to just a light rainfall, so I continued on South... I only made it a few blocks before another downpour forced me to take shelter again... By the time I got to Westport it looked like I had been in a wet t-shirt contest. This picture came out this way due to rain on the lens. Another heavy downpour forced me to take shelter near Murray's. Since I knew I'd have to take the trademark shot at some point, here's the obligatory photo of my rainsoaked leg. I spent several minutes here wringing out my shirt while waiting for the rain to let up. The rain lightened up again so I continued, and I made it only a few more blocks before another downpour forced me to shelter in a Plaza parking garage... After about 10 minutes the rain got a little lighter again so I resumed my journey south on Wornall. I was certainly jealous of all the people with umbrellas. Brookside in the rain... Finally, by the time I got to Waldo, the rain had stopped and the sun came out. Wornall & Ward Parkway... The sun is setting, gotta hurry! Barely visible in the distance, my first glimpse of my goal... Indian Creek on the verge of flooding... About to cross I-435 for the second time... Looking back at I-435, having completed my goal! Though I was in pain and knew that I had blisters, as long as my goals were ahead of me I kept going forward like nothing was wrong. So it came as a total shock to me what happened as soon as I crossed my self-imposed finish line and got into the vehicle waiting for me on the other side. A wave of pain came over me, and I found myself struggling to take even the smallest of steps. Even a full day later walking is a struggle. Dear Lord am I tired! :) Having completed this walk something has occurred to me. There is no longer anything in the KC metro area that I can claim is not within walking distance. :)

Posted by ScooterJ at 11:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Way back in May, during my North of the River barhopping tour, while feeling particularly inebriated at one of the bars I was offered an opportunity to buy a great golf package for a ridiculously low price. Enough passes for multiple outings, so cheap that it would pay for itself in a single outing. A deal that seemed way too good to be true. In my drunken stupor, I went for it.

Well, today a few of us put it to use for the first time at the Paradise Pointe golf complex in Smithville, and... holy crap... it wasn't a scam, the certificates really worked! The weather was perfect and we had a great time!

I guess sometimes it is a good idea to make a drunken purchase from some stranger in a bar. :)

We will not be discusssing my scores.

Posted by ScooterJ at 09:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After spending all of last Friday afternoon and night barhopping, I got up bright and early Saturday morning to participate in the 2006 Urban Photo Safari. Four hours of running around the urban core snapping pictures. Earlier this week I selected my ten final entries, they are shown below. Enjoy!

Posted by ScooterJ at 06:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This past Friday afternoon Seth joined me for another walking barhopping trip, this one through the Greater Downtown Area.

Apart from being able to say that we walked 6.5 miles and had 16 drinks at 14 bars (plus one extra drink/bar for me at the very end of the night), the details about this particular trip will remain under wraps for now because they are part of a larger project that I am not yet ready to discuss.

However, there was one particular stop on this journey that was just too much fun to not divulge the dirt on now. It was Stop #6 on our tour.

-----------

It was closing in on 4:30 as we headed east on 12th Street towards our next quarry. A block before we got there, we came across the grisly scene of a horrific bicycle accident.

After spending a few minutes here we proceeded east to McGee to find our bar.

Arriving at 12th & McGee, we looked in both directions trying to find our bar. "I don't know the address," I said, "but it's supposed to be around here somewhere."

We walked north to 11th and didn't find anything. We walked south almost to 13th and still didn't find anything. "It must have gone out of business," I said. We decided to give up and head off to the next place on our list. As I gave a nearby building one last quick glance over my shoulder, I suddenly spotted a tiny, unlit sign in a window. "Found it!" I shouted.

STOP 6 - 4:40pm - Zoo Bar, 1220 McGee. This tiny sliver at the end of a building was the highlight of the day. We stepped in the door and immediately realized we were strangers walking into a place populated entirely by locals, but one woman moved her purse and made room so that the two of us could sit down.

"What do you have on tap?", Seth asked the barkeep.

"Absolutely nothing," she replied. From that moment we knew this would be our favorite stop.

As we drank our cans of Miller Lite and looked around, we noticed the various taxidermical displays, the shelves of liquor that seemed to be leaning forward, and decades of writing covering the walls scrawled on by patrons. From the writing on the wall, it seems a regular named Larry has bought a round once every couple of years or so since at least 1993. Before long Larry arrived. (Though he did not buy us a round.)

We all discussed the tragedy that had taken place a block a away. A few of the drinkers were actually stranded because their cars were parked inside the crime scene area. Several very funny jokes were made, most of them ought not be repeated. We all paused for a moment as the TV aired a live update about the accident. Then a gentleman at the end of the bar wondered aloud if the victim was "one of them 'Bees'" (the Downtown Community Improvement District workers in the yellow and black uniforms).

"I hope not," said a woman two bar stools away. "They help keep out the riff-raff. ... You know that old bus stop on 13th that's not used anymore? I looked out the office window and I saw two people out there. And I looked at them and I turned to my coworker and I said 'Call the DCID, those people are fucking!'"

"Excuse me, " Seth asked, "Did you say they were fucking?"

"Yeah, fucking, right there in broad daylight."

"As in 'fucking' fucking?" Seth quizzed.

"Yep, she was straddled on his lap, and they were all grinding up and down."

A few minutes later the weather report came up on TV, and whenever you start talking about the weather in a bar in Kansas City, inevitably the topic of Katie Horner is going to come up.

"I'm afraid to turn on the TV on a sunny day," began Larry the super-regular. "She's liable to ruin the whole fuckin' day. She'll say someone having too much fun might have a heart attack and die."

"Everyone stay indoors and take cover!" quipped another regular, waiving his arms in the air.

"Damn right," Larry said. "This bitch is ate up with the dumb shits."

After a round of laughter, another patron added, "You all know those dog collars they use to train puppies, so that you can give a yank and they tighten up to let the puppy know it's doing something bad? Katie Horner's bosses ought to put one on her."

We did not want to have to leave this place, but the clock was ticking and we had more places to visit. But just before we left, Seth noticed that the older guy to his right, with a white flowing beard, was drinking Goldschlager.

"So what's the deal with that, is that really flakes of gold?" Seth asked him.

"That's right, it's good for you. Minerals. A couple shots of Goldschlager and then some shots of Patron, you'll be shitting gold Mexican coins the next day. (pause) But they ain't worth shit."

Ahhh... the Zoo Bar. Where every day is Wrong Thursday. I can't wait to go back.

Posted by ScooterJ at 12:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

This past Saturday (May 27) my friend Brandon and I spent the most of the day (about 15 hours) barhopping along Wornall and the Trolley Track Trail.

We met for breakfast at 9:15am at Sharp's [map] in Brookside. After filling up we made a stop at Brandon's house where we each kicked it off with a bottle of Wild Huckleberry Wheat Lager that he brought back from a recent trip to Montana. We then headed down to 89th & Wornall to start off our journey.

10:30am: Flo's Poke-a-Dot Lounge. [map]

Flo turns out to be a man... short for Floyd. This bar has a classic painting of a nude woman on black velvet hanging on the wall. We were the only customers under the age of 60. As we were close to finishing our beers, a napkin was suddenly slid in front of Brandon. Before I could look to see what was going on, Brandon leaned over to me and whispered "How fast can you chug your beer?" "Pretty fast," I replied. "Do it," he said. We chugged. Why? An old man to his left had just pulled out a plastic bag filled with 2 pounds of shrimp and started passing it around. Now I love shrimp, but I'm not going to eat it from a plastic bag brought in by some old guy at a bar. We made excuses about beeing full and bolted. As we started to back out of the parking space another old man knocked on the car window, holding a fistfull of shrimp. "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" laughed the old man, fleeing the bar in an unsuccessful attempt to escape the shrimping.

Who'd have thought the oddest event of the day would happen at the first bar we visited?
Beers drunk: Bud Lite (me), Bud Lite (Brandon)


10:50am: The Grand Saloon. [map]

This places has free BBQ on Saturday afternoons around 4:00. We discussed Ray Harryhousen and in particular The Kraken, and a special personal meaning of "The Wrath of Khan".
Beers drunk: Miller Light (me), Bud Select (Brandon)


11:15am: Walsh's Corner Cocktail. [map]

This place was decked out in an Irish decor but didn't have any Irish beers on tap. We were the only customers in the place.
Beers drunk: Natural Lite (me), Natural Lite (Brandon)

This is where we parked the car for the day and did the rest on foot. From here on out, we followed Wornall and/or the Trolley Track Trail north hitting up all the bars we saw.


11:25am: The Village Lounge. [map]

The movie "First Knight" was being shown on all the bar TVs.
Beers drunk: Michelob Ultra Amber (me), Miller (Brandon)


11:55am: Jake's Smokehouse BBQ. [map]

I can't remember if we went here with the intention of eating or just to check to see if they had any beer. Well, we didn't eat. :)
Beers drunk: Guiness (me), Guiness (Brandon)


12:20pm: DeAngelo's. [map]

This place has a cool split-level bar, with a big screen in one corner and a pool table in another.
Beers drunk: Miller Lite (me), Bud (Brandon)


Our next stop was Cash America Pawn [map], not because we needed more booze change but just because we wanted to have a look around.

On the way to the next bar we stopped at Taco Bell for some cold drinks to recharge ourselves and to use what could be the world's tallest urinal. (I'm 6'4" and almost had to stand on my toes.) [map]


1:00pm: Tommy Farha's. [map]

The place with the white hearse in front.
Beers drunk: Michelob Lite (me), Michelob Ultra (Brandon)


We then made a side trip into Waldo Pets to look at all the cool fish and reptiles. [map]





Drunken visits to pet stores rock.


Our next stop was the Berliner Bear. [map]
Now, we already knew before going in that they had lost their liquor license in part due to the fallout from an incident there in the Spring of 2005. But we played dumb and went in to ask for beer anyway, because we just had to go in and see for ourselves the place where this happened last year:



1:55pm: Lew's Grill & Bar. [map]
Beers drunk: Coors Light (me), Coors Light (Brandon)


2:30pm: 75th Street Brewery. [map]
Beers drunk: Muddy Mo Stout (me) Weed Whacker (Brandon)


3:00pm: Kennedy's. [map]
The place where the men's restroom is the entire second floor.
Beer drunk: Harp (me), Harp (Brandon) (I think)


3:30pm: Fin's Waldo Bar & Grill. [map]
All the TVs here were showing "The Patriot"
Beers drunk: PBR (me) PBR (Brandon) (I think)


4:00pm: Bobby Baker's Lounge. [map]
At $4 a draw this was the most expensive beer we bought all day. Unfortunately for Brandon this fell on his turn to pay.
Beers drunk: Guiness (me), Guiness (Brandon)


4:20pm: Tanner's. [map]
We took a little bit of a break here and had some lunch.
Beers drunk: Flying Monkey (me), Flying Monkey (Brandon)


5:45pm: Back at Brandon's house to watch some TV and get our second wind.
Beers drunk: Wild Huckleberry (me), ?? (Brandon)


7:00pm: Governor Stumpy's. [map]
We spent a lot of time here playing bar trivia.
Beers drunk: Stella Artois (me), a Margarita (Brandon) (ok, technically not a beer)


Bye-bye, BrandsMart...



8:40pm: The Gaf. [map]
A bartender told us on a prior visit that they may start serving tapas here soon. Our bartender today was a recent transplant from New Zealand.
Beers drunk: Smithwick's (me) Strongbow (Brandon)


9:10pm: The Brooksider. [map]

Beers drunk: Bud Lite (me), Bud Lite (Brandon)


9:35pm: Charlie Hooper's. [map]

Beers drunk: Miller High Life (me), Miller High Life (Brandon)


We were now pretty hungry and worked out way towards the Plaza. We first went to The Peanut [map] only to find it way too packed, so we used the restroom and then slipped out the back door. We continued on to The Plaza. Our next attempt was O'Dowd's [map] but they had a cover charge and neither of us like to pay just to buy beer. Next try was California Pizza Kitchen -- closed. We then tried another place and it was closed too. Finally we tried Pizzeria Uno, success!


11:05pm: Pizzeria Uno. [map] Important note: they are open until 1:30 and never stop serving food. We got our supper here.
Beer drunk: None -- we tried and tried and just couldn't get any more beer into us.


Brandon's wife picked us up at midnight and took us back to their house, where my girlfriend arrived a moment later to take me back home.

STATS:

Total bars visited: 19 (but only drank at 17 of them)
Total beers consumed by each: 19
Men's room visits: Too numerous to count
Questionable shrimp avoided: 2 lbs.

My beers:

• Wild Huckleberry (x2)
• Bud Lite (x2)
• Miller Lite (x2)
• Natural Light
• Michelob Ultra Amber
• Guiness (x2)
• Michelob Lite
• Coors Lite
• Muddy Mo Stout
• Harp
• PBR
• Flying Monkey
• Stella Artois
• Smithwick's
• Miller High Life

Brandon's beers:

• Wild Huckleberry
• Bud Lite (x2)
• Bud Select
• Natural Light
• Miller
• Guiness (x2)
• Bud
• Michelob Ultra
• Coors Lite
• Weed Whacker
• Harp
• PBR
• Flying Monkey
• ??
• Margarita* (not technically a beer but we'll count it)
• Strongbow
• Miller High Life

It was a great day and a lot of fun. Amazingly, no hangover! Pacing ourselves helpedf, as did actually eating some food this time, drinking lots of water, and not adding any hard liquor to the mix. I'm looking forward to doing it again!

Posted by ScooterJ at 06:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Last night I went to see the annual Memorial Day Fireworks at Union Station/Liberty Memorial. It was the first time I went to the actual site to see them, before this year I'd always watched them from another building or hillside. Here's a couple of pictures, click on them to enlarge them:

On a side note, there were an estimated 35,000 people at this event. Attending was a last minute decision and I missed the last MAX that could get me there in time so I had to drive. I arrived 15 minutes before the fireworks started, parking in a lot only 2 blocks away that had plenty of open spaces. When it ended, though there was a lot of traffic, I didn't get stuck in any at all and was back home about 12 minutes after I got into the car. So though it's a dead horse, so much for all the naysayer claims that traffic in and out of the Truman Sports Complex is way easier and that Downtown's street grid can't handle a large volume of traffic.

Posted by ScooterJ at 10:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I've meaning to post this for quite some time but I only just now got around to it. This post is about the single coolest experience of my life (so far, but will be very hard to top). (Sorry for not using the proper Portuguese character set, I don't know how to on this forum.)

Back in 1999-2000 my best friend and I did some pro-bono web site work for a Brazilian orphanage for HIV+ children. You can still see that work today here, though unless you can read Portuguese it'll probably be lost on you. Smile

In return, the doctor running the orphanage (named Sociedade Viva Cazuza) invited us to Rio de Janeiro for a week so that we could learn firsthand about what they do and see their city. We left for Rio on August 11, 2000 and returned to KC on August 18, 2000.

For the remainder of the story and lots of photos, please continue on to my full post, which includes panoramic photos too wide to display here.

Enjoy!

Posted by ScooterJ at 02:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)