Living in the Scoot Utopia

After spending Friday wretching from what I suspect may have been a mild case of salmonella poisoning, when I woke up feeling refreshed on Saturday I knew it would be a perfect day to spend the day goofing off.

I spent much of the day on my roof watching the 2006 KC Aviation Expo. Living directly acros the Missouri River from the Downtown Airport, I had a great vantage point. I shot several dozen photos of planes buzzing just overhead, however I had to use my film camera so it will be a a few days before I have them available for posting.

During lulls in the show I overheard a few dumb conversations among my fello roof-squatters. Such as:

Gal: "I'm going to the Waldo Crawldo tonight with some people from work."

Guy: "Is that in Waldo?"

Gal: "Yeah. I'm not really sure where it is but I hear it's a cool area."

Guy: "I think it's around 95th & Metcalf."

Gal: "I think it's near the 75th Street Brewery."

Guy: "Ah, I've heard of that place, supposed to be good. I think it's more around 80th & Quivira."

(The name of the brewery gives a pretty obvious hint as to one cross street. And Waldo is in Missouri, not way out in Overland Park. It's 75th & Wornall, people. Know your city. Sheesh.)

Or this gem, from a lady chatting on her phone and trying to figure out where to get food for 3 teenage boys she had with her.

"I don't think there's anything open around here. They want pizza but there isn't a Pizza Hut around here and no one else delivers. Yeah, there's McDonald's, but the closest one is across the river. No, there's no other restaurants around here. At least not anything that's open"

(Yes, there is a Pizza Hut nearby that delivers, as well as 4 other pizza places within 4 blocks that also deliver if needed. There's a McDonald's at 11th & Main that's open on Saturdays. Plus a dozen or so other open restaurants within 4 blocks of us that were open. Plus City Market with tons of stuff only a block away -- she could have even gotten the boys hot dogs and funnel cakes there.)

---

During the Blue Angels performance my buddy Brandon showed up and we left to do a little barhopping. Our first destination was intended to be Knuckleheads, but we spotted another place on our way there...

Stop 1: River's Edge Cafe [map] A basic little diner that only serves breakfast and lunch (kitchen closes around 1:00-2:00) but remains open as a small bar for the rest of the day. There were probably about 3 or 4 other people here.

Upon leaving we turned right when we should have turned left. So instead of Knuckleheads our next stop became...

Stop 2: Tom's Bigger Jigger [map]
A well-worn place with a large sqaure-shaped bar and about a dozen patrons. Our bartender, Norma, was a friendly older woman. One of the patrons attempted to give us directions to Knuckleheads but her instructions were so convoluted we decided to find it for ourselves.

Stop 3: Karen's Kozy Kabin [map]
This is one of the smallest bars I have ever seen, it was a full house with approximately 6 patrons. Though 2 months ago it "expanded" -- in that they knocked a hole in the west wall and slapped up a quick ceiling and plywood exterior over their former beer garden to make room for a pool table. There is still a very small patio in back, it looks like it had seating for about two. Draft beer here is served in mason jars.

We headed down to Cliff Drive to look out over the East Bottoms and get our bearings. After a long convoluted journey we finally found North Chestnut and made our way to the right area.

Stop 4: Knuckleheads [map]
This is by far one of THE coolest places in KC. If you like the blues at all, you HAVE to check this place out. Indoor and outdoor stages, huge amounts of indoor and outdoor seating (and the indoor seating is easily converted to open-air when the weather is nice) and great talent.

We then did some massive backtracking in order to hit...

Stop 5: A.J.'s [map]
Brandon had told me about this place before. He had seen a customer bring in a shopping car that had a TV in it, and while drinking a cockroach crawled in and meandered across the the bar. So naturally I had to see this place.

I didn't come across any roaches, but before we left a customer did come in with a shopping cart full of groceries.

With 5 beers in us we decided it was time to stop driving. We did a quick check around Columbus Park to see if there was a bar we didn't know about (nope, just Caddyshack, which we've already been to) and then dropped the car off at my place. The rest of the night was on foot.

Stop 6: Dos Hombres [map]
We stopped here due to being hungry. I think I have now figured out the pattern. If you get seated in the middle room, you get good service. If you get seated in the front room, you get shitty service. We were seated in the front room. We found it very hard to bring ourselves to even leave a tip.

We had planned to go to The Red Front next but were worried Zoo Bar might close, so we decided to skip it for now. But on the way to Zoo Bar is Stables Bar & Grill, our next planned stop. But when we arrived, they were... closed??? WTF?!? Why would a bar with 3 major residential towers within a block and a half and close to several other viable bars be closed on a Saturday?! It makes no sense at all!

So next we headed on to one of my faves, The Zoo Bar. It was right at dusk, but, score!, they were open!

"Sorry, boys, we just closed," the bartender said as we stepped inside.

Arrrrggghhh!

Unaware that Willie's Pool Hall was now open, we embarked on a very long walk over to the next place on our list.

Stop 7: PR's Place [map]
The bar that doesn't look at all like a bar. After the long, hot walk our beers were welcome but not as cold as I'd hoped for. We watched a little football before heading on.

Stop 8: Jilly's [map]
I don't suppose I'll ever "get" this place. Here it was about 9:00pm and we were the only people in this place. This was the only place we went to all night that was empty. I just don't get a place being totally vacant at 9pm on a Saturday night. "We'll be packed after 10:00," the bartender said. I know they will be. But the DJ was already playing (to no one) and there was no cover -- why not arrive early and get in free rather than wait until you have to pay? Trendy places just don't make sense to me.

We wandered around the Crossroads for a while but were bored with the idea of going to trendy places and paying too much for beer. So we walked over to 19th & Main and hopped on the MAX. On the bus with us was a man carrying two large garbage sacks holding who-knows-what. He got off at Armour. We got off at 39th & Main. As we stepped off we were immediately greeted by an old man at the bus stop who shouted "Bunch of pussies! Kansas City sucks dick!" at us.

We headed west to Broadway and started walking north, and soon did a double-take after spotting an unidentified place that looked like a bar but looked like it was closed, though we noticed movement inside. We stepped inside thinking we'd found someplace we hadn't been before. It took two seconds to realize we were wrong.

Stop 9: Chez Charlie's [map]
It took no time at all to realize that we had indeed been here before. We had a beer anyway and then headed next door to...

Stop 10: Fitz's Blarney Stone [map]
We knew this would be our last stop because even though the MAX now runs north to the River Market until a semi-decent hour, Brandon lives in Waldo and the last one that goes to Waldo departs at around a ridiculously-early 11:30pm. So we dawdled by playing several rounds of bar trivia as we slowly sipped our beers.

When we left, since the MAX only runs every 30 minutes this late in the evening, we didn't want to spend a large amount of time dealing with the derelicts and scum at the 39th & Main stop. So we walked down to 43rd & Main instead. After several minutes Brandon's southbound MAX arrived, followed a few minutes later by my northbound MAX. Trash Bag Man re-boarded my MAX at Armour, his trash bag supply having grown by three. With that, a lazy day of goofing off drew to a close.

Posted by ScooterJ at 03:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We've all felt the urge to take a nap on the job and most of us have done it from time to time. But rarely does one fall asleep atop a pile of garden hoses while hugging a traffic cone.

(Pic snapped a few minutes ago via cam phone held up to a pair of binoculars.)

---

In other news, the writeup about the great northern bar tour is still in the works and will probably start getting posted this weekend.

Posted by ScooterJ at 02:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Dos Hombres in the River Market has all-you-can-eat tacos on Tuesday nights.

How can they afford to do that?

Well it's pretty easy when they only manage to get 3 tacos to your table over the course of an hour and ten minutes. And tell you repeatedly that it's because the back dining room is packed and they all put their food orders in at once, but then as you are storming out in anger you check the back dining room only to find that it is pretty much empty. And to be offered margaritas while you're waiting only to then find out that no those are not being comped, they still want you to pay for them.

All-you-can-eat bullshit.

Posted by ScooterJ at 01:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The following barhopping walk, which covered 6.5 miles, actually took place back on June 9. This writeup was originally intended to be a substitute Night Ranger column for The Pitch, but it's just too hard to condense 15 bars into a format suitable for print and keep it interesting. So now, without further delay, here's the rundown of that day. (Kudos to Ken for helping with the writing and Seth for taking good notes.)

---

"I might as well be preparing to write my own obituary."

These were the words going through my mind on Friday an hour before leaving to begin an afternoon of barhopping for this column. I was still recovering from a nasty summer cold, my head was throbbing, and it was 92 degrees outside but there were brews with my name written on them awaiting. Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

The rules for these jaunts are simple: you go walking from bar to bar, drink one beer, and move on.

Meeting up with my buddy Seth, we set out on our adventure.

Stop #1: The Caddy Shack, 700 E. 3rd St. (12:55pm)

Setting foot inside the golf-themed bar and grill, we teed off our drinking run alongside the few remaining patrons still there from lunch. Rose, our bartender, not only served us our drinks but also whipped up a batch of butter drizzled popcorn. There is a God.

Beers consumed: Bud Light (me), Bud (Seth)

Back into the heat we went and soon arrived at...

Stop #2: The Red Front, 310 Admiral Blvd. (1:28pm)

The unmistakable bright red paint job made it clear we had found the right place. Now well past lunch hour, we found ourselves alone in this clean, well-maintained gem whose claim to fame is the Red Front Bull Shooters. Don't even think about challenging them to darts, as the Shooters are the Spring 2006 ADA champions.

Beers consumed: one Pale Ale apiece

Stop #3: Tarantino's, 601 McGee (2:00pm)

Three weeks ago this place was known as The Garage but under new management it's been reinvented as Tarantino's, a full-service eatery.

We settled in at the small bar where Trish, our server, poured us our selections and then took our lunch orders.

"This is the first time I've ever used the taps here," she said. Nothing like taking a tap's virginity. I doubt, though, that it'll remember its' first.

With the occasional interruption of a nearby drill as power was being installed to run additional air conditioning, we dined on our food. Seth's tenderloin and thick, seasoned fries were all he had hoped for. My calzone was generously stuffed with hot, melted cheese. Man Food. Food good enough to keep drinkers going.

As we finished up we were startled by the sound of the garage door beginning to close behind us, shutting us off from the rest of the world. Joe, the owner, quickly hit a button and the door reversed its course.

"The neighbor behind us is on the same frequency," Joe laughed, "that's something we'll have fixed soon."

Beers consumed: One Bud Select apiece

Stop #4: The Stables Bar & Grill, 813 Walnut. (3:20pm)

Somewhere between Tarantino's and Stables, I managed to mysteriously cut a 3-inch gash on my leg. Seth pointed out my blood-soaked calf, which I hadn't even noticed, and we walked into the place with me looking like I'd been on the losing side of a break dancing contest.

While I attended to my cut in the restroom, Seth ordered our beers. Guys? Lemme tell you - chicks dig a guy with paper towels pressed to a bleeding leg. You heard it here first.

The Stables interior is very dimly lit as the windows are covered in a dark plastic. About a dozen other people were in there with us, surrounded by the country-western décor and a jukebox playing '50s rock.

Beers consumed: Bud Light (me), Newcastle (Seth)

After finishing our beers we began walking to our next bar as the sound of an unusual amount of sirens blared around us...

Stop #5: The 12th Street Rag, 200 W. 12th. (4:06pm)

Arriving nearly 25 minutes before opening time, we figured we were pinched. The bartender, however, was nice enough to unlock the door and let us inside. We seated ourselves at this very long bar in the lobby of the Marriott Hotel and ordered our round.

The bar includes a large seating area, a dance floor, and a stage with a grand piano. We finished up shortly before the piano player was slated to begin. We weren't in the mood for a melody, but the beer had sure gotten us to feelin' all right.

Beers consumed: Guinness (me), Miller Lite (Seth)

As we headed east to find our next bar we found ourselves at the scene of a horrific bicycle accident that was the reason for the sirens we had heard earlier. Our destination was somewhere just beyond this tragedy.

Arriving at 12th & McGee we looked in both directions trying to find our bar, which was supposed to be where we were standing. Walking a block north revealed nothing. South? Squat. It must have gone out of business, or so I thought. If not for one last quick glance over my shoulder to spy a tiny, unlit sign in a window, I would have passed up on THE find of my Friday afternoon.

Stop #6: Zoo Bar, 1220 McGee (4:40pm)

We stepped in the door and immediately realized we were strangers walking into a place populated entirely by regulars. One woman moved her purse and made room for us so that we could sit.

"What do you have on tap?" we asked.

"Absolutely nothing," she replied.

From that moment we knew this would be our favorite stop.

As we drank our cans o' hooch and looked around, we took in the décor: stuffed animals (we're not talking plush, kids), shelves of liquor that seemed to be leaning forward, and decades of patron-penned writings covering the walls. I was home.

Conversation moved to the bike tragedy that had taken place a block away. We all paused for a moment as the TV aired a live update about the accident. Then a gentleman at the end of the bar wondered aloud if the victim was "one of them 'Bees'" (the Downtown Community Improvement District workers in the yellow and black uniforms).

"I hope not," said a woman two bar stools away. "They help keep out the riff-raff. You know that old bus stop on 13th that's not used anymore? I looked out the office window and I saw two people out there. I turned to my coworker and said 'Call the DCID, those people are fucking!'"

"Excuse me, " Seth asked, "Did you say they were fucking?"

"Yeah, fucking, right there in broad daylight."

"As in 'fucking' fucking?" Seth quizzed.

"Yep, she was straddled on his lap, and they were all grinding up and down."

Huh.

Moments later the weather report came up on TV and the bar erupted with talks about Katie Horner.

"I'm afraid to turn on the TV on a sunny day," began one of the regulars. "She's liable to ruin the whole fuckin' deal. She'll say 'someone having too much fun might have a heart attack and die.'"

"Everyone stay indoors and take cover!" quipped another regular, waiving his arms frantically in the air.

"Damn right," local Zoo Bar legend Larry said. "This bitch is ate up with the dumb shits!"

We did not want to leave this place but had many more places to visit. Just before we left, Seth noticed that the older, white flowing beard-wielding guy to his right drinking Goldschlager.

"So what's the deal with that, is that really flakes of gold?" Seth asked him.

"That's right, it's good for you. Minerals. A couple shots of Goldschlager and then some shots of Patron and you'll be shitting gold Mexican coins the next day...but they ain't worth shit."

Beers consumed: One Miller Lite apiece

If this column were a movie, this next portion would be the montage...

Stop #7: Grinders, 417 E. 18th St. (5:30pm)

Beers consumed: PBR (Seth), Bully! Porter (me)

Stop #8: The Brick, 1727 McGee (6:20pm)

(Where we were joined by Aaron and Bev, aka The New Tragedies)

Beers consumed: PBR (Seth), Miller Lite (me)

Stop #9: The Cigar Box, 1519 Grand (6:58pm)

Due to us arriving just at the end of Happy Hour, we got two beers for the price of one. Usually free beer warrants applause but there are rules to be upheld here. Rules, however, are meant to be broken on occasion. This was one such occasion.

Beers consumed: Two Miller Lites apiece

Stop #10: JP Wine Bar, 1526 Walnut (7:54pm)

Beers consumed: PBR (Seth), Bully! Porter (me)

The next stop wasn't a conventional bar stop, but one we had to make nonetheless.

Stop #11 - The Screenland Theater, 1656 Washington (8:54pm)

Because we arrived here well after the start of the night's last feature, the bartender seemed puzzled by our arrival.

"Um, we're just here to have a drink," Seth said.

A smile grew across the bartender's face. "That's the coolest thing I've heard all night! Come have a seat!"

The Screenland shows current indy flicks along with choice "classics" from time to time. While we drank, I made sure to note that there are three very important films they NEED to show as part of their classics series. "Flash Gordon, Clash of the Titans, and The Last Dragon."

Flash, The Kraken, and Leroy?!? You can all thank me later.

Stop #12: PR's Place, 1741 Washington (9:22pm)

Remember the scene in "Weird Science" when the guys step into the bar alongside Kelly LeBrock and everything immediately goes silent? Well, that happened here...'cept we didn't have Kelly LeBrock with us.

The mostly-Hispanic clientele stopped talking and all eyes locked on us. Heads slowly turned to follow us as we nervously made our way to the empty chairs at the far end of the bar.

The bartender was terrific and, within moments, made us feel welcome. This ended up being one of our favorite stops.

Beers consumed: One Bud apiece

In this last shot I am rotating an imaginary globe in order to try to answer Seth's question about what time it currently was in Germany.

Stop #13: Taqueria Mexico, 910 Southwest Blvd. (10:08pm)

We...were...starving.

"I'm gonna eat the fuck out of this place," Seth said after we were handed our menus. Food!!!

Beers consumed: Carta Blanca (Seth), Dos Eqquis (me)

"Seth and, um, B... um, Seth and...uhhhh... I forgot my name!" fumbled a buzzed Bev, trying to announce that she and Seth wanted some sangria.

Stop #14: La Bodega, 703 Southwest Blvd. (11:08pm)

All we needed was a pitcher of sangria. Finishing that off, we called it a night.

Beers consumed: None, pitcher of Sangria

Our adventure had come to an end. We said our goodnights and parted ways...but I had just one more stop to make.

Stop #15: Winslow's, 20 E. 5th Street. (12:32am)

On other days I've been in to see bikers bending one another over the bar and whooping asses with belts. This was not one of those nights: the band was long gone and place was nice and quiet. I capped my night off with a Guinness.

The total haul came to fifteen bars, fifteen beers, half a pitcher of sangrias, a 3-inch leg gash, and a very tired guy that could only dream that night of a return trip to Zoo Bar in the near future.

Damn you, Katie Horner.

Posted by ScooterJ at 05:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

On Saturday, June 24, I went on my longest walk ever and have probably found the limits of my endurance. Or at least, the limits of my endurance when the weather is crappy. :) For this walk, I started just outside the northern leg of I-435 and began walking south, bisecting the city, until I crossed the southern leg of I-435. The total time period was 12 hours and 55 minutes, which included a 1 hour lunch break and about 2 hours in rain delays. The total distance covered was 28.9 miles. I took 55,283 steps, burned 3,689 calories, went through 3 pairs of socks, had to dive under shelter from heavy rain 5 times, and got 6 blisters on my feet. :) I took several pictures along the way, scroll down to have a look. You can also click the route map to the left to see a larger version. First off, an overview of the route: My friend Brandon dropped me off at I-435 & North Woodland at 7:45am. That's him driving away. Crossing I-435 the first time... Heading south on North Woodland... The first signs of civilization... A nice little fishing pond in one of the subdivisions I walked across. I took a zig-zag route initially to avoid the lack of shoulders on Woodland and a construction zone on North Oak. A few blocks later a guy who was obviously lost pulled over and asked me for directions to a specific address nearby. "Actually, I'm not from around here either," I said, "but you definitely asked the right person, as I happen to have a detailed map of this neighborhood in my pocket." I then whipped out the page from Google Maps that I had printed out to mark my route through this neighborhood and showed him exactly how to get where he needed to go. I reached North Oak at 96th Street, begining the first really long straight segment. I was surprised to see other people out walking. Crossing MO-152... Construction on North Oak, and my first glimpse of the Downtown skyline... Crossing I-29, which would have been scary if the traffic were heavier since the almost non-existent shoulder turns into the on-ramp... Continuing south past a lovely neighborhood of check cashing places... The first really good skyline view... I was a little worried about getting mowed down going around this bend... The next five pictures are of the New Urbanism development at the north end of North Kansas City, along Swift... The former Osco and future CVS at Armour & Swift... The next two pictures are from a courtyard in downtown NKC where I took a short rest as a jazz band played... Looks like someone ran their car into the front of this building, and it appears to be in extreme danger of collapse. A well-worn footpath heading up to the Heart of America Bridge. If MODOT doesn't think there's demand for a safe pedestrian/bicycle path across the Missouri River, they need to see this photo. Crossing over the railyards... Crossing the Missouri River... When I reached the River Market I took a lunch break, and just as I finished lunch a strong storm erupted. By the time the lightning stopped and the rain let up enough to continue, I lost just over 2 hours of valuable time. From 3rd Street until 67th Street it rained on me non-stop. I pressed on in light rain and made my way south through Downtown... As I entered the Crossroads it looked like the worst of the weather was over. Soaked, I stopped in Union Station to use the restroom, dripping my way right through a wedding party. :) The first set of many steps up to Liberty Memorial as I cut across Penn Valley Park. My God that's a lot of steps! On Broadway, as I crossed Linwood, I got stuck in an extremely heavy sudden downpour. I took shelter under an awning with a couple of locals and was stuck there for nearly half an hour until the rain subsided enough to continue. The rain let up to just a light rainfall, so I continued on South... I only made it a few blocks before another downpour forced me to take shelter again... By the time I got to Westport it looked like I had been in a wet t-shirt contest. This picture came out this way due to rain on the lens. Another heavy downpour forced me to take shelter near Murray's. Since I knew I'd have to take the trademark shot at some point, here's the obligatory photo of my rainsoaked leg. I spent several minutes here wringing out my shirt while waiting for the rain to let up. The rain lightened up again so I continued, and I made it only a few more blocks before another downpour forced me to shelter in a Plaza parking garage... After about 10 minutes the rain got a little lighter again so I resumed my journey south on Wornall. I was certainly jealous of all the people with umbrellas. Brookside in the rain... Finally, by the time I got to Waldo, the rain had stopped and the sun came out. Wornall & Ward Parkway... The sun is setting, gotta hurry! Barely visible in the distance, my first glimpse of my goal... Indian Creek on the verge of flooding... About to cross I-435 for the second time... Looking back at I-435, having completed my goal! Though I was in pain and knew that I had blisters, as long as my goals were ahead of me I kept going forward like nothing was wrong. So it came as a total shock to me what happened as soon as I crossed my self-imposed finish line and got into the vehicle waiting for me on the other side. A wave of pain came over me, and I found myself struggling to take even the smallest of steps. Even a full day later walking is a struggle. Dear Lord am I tired! :) Having completed this walk something has occurred to me. There is no longer anything in the KC metro area that I can claim is not within walking distance. :)

Posted by ScooterJ at 11:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

So yesterday (Saturday, June 17) I went on, surprise surprise, another walking barhopping event with my buddy Brandon.

(Sorry, I forgot my camera, so no photos this time.)

We started out at 8:30am with breakfast at the Woodswether Cafe, then dropped the car back off at my place and walked to the 5th & Grand MAX stop.

We rode the MAX to the 39th & Main stop, where we disembarked to begin our walking.   Big shock, we were accosted for money twice within the first minute off the bus at this inteersection.   This is why 39th & Main continues to be my least favorite MAX stop.   But I digress...


Stop 1 - 10:09am - Dave's Stagecoach Inn.      Smelled kinda oniony in here for some reason.

• Me:  Miller Light
• Brandon:  PBR

Stop 2 - 10:30am - Kelly's.      Awesome for having an 8:30am opening time.

• Me:  Boulevard Stout
• Brandon:  Blue Moon

With nothing else in Westport open yet, we headed back up to 39th and attempted to go to Missie B's.    It was closed.   So, we continued west on 39th.


Stop 3 - 11:00am - Jimmy's Jigger.      When we got there they were not quite open yet and the door was locked.   We decided to go elsewhere but when we were about 30 feet away I barely heard a faint click.   "Hold on," I said, and ran back to try the door again.   Open.

"FIRST!"  shouted Brandon as we walked in, throwing his arms up in the air.

"Hooray for you," said the bartender sarcastically.  "Write that accomplishment down in your diary."

I immediately started laughing as I pulled the beer diary out of my pocket and wrote that one down.

• Me:  Bud Light
• Brandon:  Bud

Stop 4 - 11:33am - DB Cooper's

• Me:  Busch
• Brandon:  Busch

Stop 5 - 11:57am - Gilhouly's.      The bartender had not arrived yet and the only person who could legally get us a beer was the owner, who was outside dealing with an A/C issue.  After a while he was able to come in and pour for us.  As he set our beers in front of us the actual bartender arrived.   

When we finished our beers Brandon went to go use the restroom.  "Need another round?" the bartender asked me.  "Naw, we have to get going," I said.    "Did you already pay him?" she asked, pointing to the owner.   "Yep, we're square," I said, honestly believing Brandon had already paid.

I then went to the restroom myself, and when I came back out, I saw Brandon at the counter paying our tab.

Whoops!

I promise, Bartender-lady, whoever you are, I was not trying to slip out without paying!

• Me:  Bud Lightt
• Brandon:  Bud Light

We headed south on Bell and along the way spotted a yard sale where one of the coolest items ever was for sale:


We probably spent a good ten minutes looking at that thing while Brandon debated the purchase as a cool conversation piece.


Stop 6 - 12:40pm - City Tavern.

• Me:  Boulevard Stout
• Brandon:  Coors

Stop 7 - 1:30pm - Mike Kelly's Westsider.     We do not know why that last leg took us 50 minutes.

• Me:  Bud Light
• Brandon:  Bud Light

Stop 8 - 1:54pm - The New Point

• Me:  PBR
• Brandon:  PBR

We then went to  Record Bar for lunch, only to be told "We're closed" when we sat down at the bar.   Stupid places that don't open until four.

Then we went on into Valentine Video to look over the movies they're selling off.   I realized that this was the first time I had ever been inside Valentine Video, making me feel partly responsible for its demise.



Stop 9 - 2:44pm - Westport Flea Market.     Had lunch here, then carried our beers around among all the booths.   Had a conversation with a guy who tried to justify why he wanted $3,200 for a 1920s elecric fan.

• Me:  Bully! Porter
• Brandon:  Pilsner Urquell

Stop 10 - 3:12pm - Buzzard Beach.

• Me:  Bud Light
• Brandon:  Bud Light

Stop 11 - 3:36pm - Dark Horse Tavern.

• Me:  Miller Light
• Brandon:  Miller Light

Stop 12 - 3:57pm - Harpo's.     

• Me:  Labatt Blue
• Brandon:  Busch Light

Stop 13 - 4:23pm - Blayney's Upstairs.

• Me:  Michelob Ultra
• Brandon:  Michelob Ultra

Stop 14 - 5:23pm - The Levee.     

• Me:  Miller Light
• Brandon:  Coors Light

Stop 15 - 6:04pm - Harling's Upstairs.     The effects of alcohol began to manifest themselves when I tripped and fell while entering the men's room. 

• Me:  Woodpecker Cider
• Brandon:  Woodpecker Cider

Needing some salt by this point, we went to the c-store just north of 39th & Main to buy some beef jerky.   While in the store we got hit up for cash again.    I really cannot stand the degenerates that seem to thrive around this intersection.   After we paid, Brandon snapped at the cashier for allowing panhandlers to harass customers in the store while he himself was safe behind glass.



Stop 16 - 6:44pm - Sidekicks Saloon.     My gay bar virginity has now been taken.   The bartender kept calling us "honey".

• Me:  Amber Bock
• Brandon:  Bud

Stop 17 - 7:15pm - Buddies.     This ended up being one of the most fun places we went to.   It was laid back, relaxed, and friendly.   Brandon played pool with a lesbian with a mullet.   While he was waiting for his next turn a guy came over and flirted with him briefly.   "I'm winning," Brandon told me, refering not to the pool game but to getting hit on.     But later I got checked out, blatantly and repeatedly, by a guy who was chatting with me while I was using the restroom.   After we left and I told Brandon this, I was declared the winner.  ;)

• Me:  Icehouse - times 3
• Brandon:  Icehouse - times 3

Stop 18 - 8:28pm - The Lava Room.   Relaxed on the sofa while Brandon began to go bye-bye.  His limit had beeen found.

• Me:  PBR
• Brandon:  PBR

Stop 19 - 8:41pm - Chez Charlie's.

• Me:  Miller Light
• Brandon:  Gin & Tonic

We decided we needed some food and some recouperation time so we went to Chubby's and sat for a little while eating.

Our original plan had been to continue north and hit various bars in the Crossroads and the Loop.   But after 19 bars and 21 beers our spirits were now broken, so we walked to the Armour & Main MAX stop and caught the MAX back to 3rd & Grand.    We very nearly fell asleep and the driver had to remind us to get off the bus.

But once we were back on the sidewalk, Brandon got his second wind.


Stop 20 - 10:55pm - The Caddy Shack.     This was the busiest bar we visted all day other than Buddie's.   It was Karaoke night and Brandon broke the ice with an amazing drunken rendition of "You Never Even Called Me By My Name".    I followed up with "Elvira".   After a few other singers he went back up to do "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" and I followed shortly thereafter with a pretty lousy "Sweet Child o' Mine".

• Me:  Miller Genuine Draft - times 3
• Brandon:  Miller Genuine Draft - times 3

Stop 21 - 12:19am - Winslow's.     The band had just finished and from what people were saying it was someone really good.   But we missed it.

• Me: Guinness
• Brandon:  Guinness

We debated trying to go to 4 more bars but as soon as we started walking we knew that was not going to be possible.   We slowly staggered back to my place where I managed to get Brandon onto the couch just moments before passing out myself.


Total haul: 21 bars, 25 beers each.

Great times, great times!    But after that monster haul plus a 15-bar barhopping trip I went on last weekend, I'm done for a while now.   :)

Posted by ScooterJ at 11:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

After spending all of last Friday afternoon and night barhopping, I got up bright and early Saturday morning to participate in the 2006 Urban Photo Safari. Four hours of running around the urban core snapping pictures. Earlier this week I selected my ten final entries, they are shown below. Enjoy!

Posted by ScooterJ at 06:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This past Friday afternoon Seth joined me for another walking barhopping trip, this one through the Greater Downtown Area.

Apart from being able to say that we walked 6.5 miles and had 16 drinks at 14 bars (plus one extra drink/bar for me at the very end of the night), the details about this particular trip will remain under wraps for now because they are part of a larger project that I am not yet ready to discuss.

However, there was one particular stop on this journey that was just too much fun to not divulge the dirt on now. It was Stop #6 on our tour.

-----------

It was closing in on 4:30 as we headed east on 12th Street towards our next quarry. A block before we got there, we came across the grisly scene of a horrific bicycle accident.

After spending a few minutes here we proceeded east to McGee to find our bar.

Arriving at 12th & McGee, we looked in both directions trying to find our bar. "I don't know the address," I said, "but it's supposed to be around here somewhere."

We walked north to 11th and didn't find anything. We walked south almost to 13th and still didn't find anything. "It must have gone out of business," I said. We decided to give up and head off to the next place on our list. As I gave a nearby building one last quick glance over my shoulder, I suddenly spotted a tiny, unlit sign in a window. "Found it!" I shouted.

STOP 6 - 4:40pm - Zoo Bar, 1220 McGee. This tiny sliver at the end of a building was the highlight of the day. We stepped in the door and immediately realized we were strangers walking into a place populated entirely by locals, but one woman moved her purse and made room so that the two of us could sit down.

"What do you have on tap?", Seth asked the barkeep.

"Absolutely nothing," she replied. From that moment we knew this would be our favorite stop.

As we drank our cans of Miller Lite and looked around, we noticed the various taxidermical displays, the shelves of liquor that seemed to be leaning forward, and decades of writing covering the walls scrawled on by patrons. From the writing on the wall, it seems a regular named Larry has bought a round once every couple of years or so since at least 1993. Before long Larry arrived. (Though he did not buy us a round.)

We all discussed the tragedy that had taken place a block a away. A few of the drinkers were actually stranded because their cars were parked inside the crime scene area. Several very funny jokes were made, most of them ought not be repeated. We all paused for a moment as the TV aired a live update about the accident. Then a gentleman at the end of the bar wondered aloud if the victim was "one of them 'Bees'" (the Downtown Community Improvement District workers in the yellow and black uniforms).

"I hope not," said a woman two bar stools away. "They help keep out the riff-raff. ... You know that old bus stop on 13th that's not used anymore? I looked out the office window and I saw two people out there. And I looked at them and I turned to my coworker and I said 'Call the DCID, those people are fucking!'"

"Excuse me, " Seth asked, "Did you say they were fucking?"

"Yeah, fucking, right there in broad daylight."

"As in 'fucking' fucking?" Seth quizzed.

"Yep, she was straddled on his lap, and they were all grinding up and down."

A few minutes later the weather report came up on TV, and whenever you start talking about the weather in a bar in Kansas City, inevitably the topic of Katie Horner is going to come up.

"I'm afraid to turn on the TV on a sunny day," began Larry the super-regular. "She's liable to ruin the whole fuckin' day. She'll say someone having too much fun might have a heart attack and die."

"Everyone stay indoors and take cover!" quipped another regular, waiving his arms in the air.

"Damn right," Larry said. "This bitch is ate up with the dumb shits."

After a round of laughter, another patron added, "You all know those dog collars they use to train puppies, so that you can give a yank and they tighten up to let the puppy know it's doing something bad? Katie Horner's bosses ought to put one on her."

We did not want to have to leave this place, but the clock was ticking and we had more places to visit. But just before we left, Seth noticed that the older guy to his right, with a white flowing beard, was drinking Goldschlager.

"So what's the deal with that, is that really flakes of gold?" Seth asked him.

"That's right, it's good for you. Minerals. A couple shots of Goldschlager and then some shots of Patron, you'll be shitting gold Mexican coins the next day. (pause) But they ain't worth shit."

Ahhh... the Zoo Bar. Where every day is Wrong Thursday. I can't wait to go back.

Posted by ScooterJ at 12:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

This past Saturday (May 27) my friend Brandon and I spent the most of the day (about 15 hours) barhopping along Wornall and the Trolley Track Trail.

We met for breakfast at 9:15am at Sharp's [map] in Brookside. After filling up we made a stop at Brandon's house where we each kicked it off with a bottle of Wild Huckleberry Wheat Lager that he brought back from a recent trip to Montana. We then headed down to 89th & Wornall to start off our journey.

10:30am: Flo's Poke-a-Dot Lounge. [map]

Flo turns out to be a man... short for Floyd. This bar has a classic painting of a nude woman on black velvet hanging on the wall. We were the only customers under the age of 60. As we were close to finishing our beers, a napkin was suddenly slid in front of Brandon. Before I could look to see what was going on, Brandon leaned over to me and whispered "How fast can you chug your beer?" "Pretty fast," I replied. "Do it," he said. We chugged. Why? An old man to his left had just pulled out a plastic bag filled with 2 pounds of shrimp and started passing it around. Now I love shrimp, but I'm not going to eat it from a plastic bag brought in by some old guy at a bar. We made excuses about beeing full and bolted. As we started to back out of the parking space another old man knocked on the car window, holding a fistfull of shrimp. "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" laughed the old man, fleeing the bar in an unsuccessful attempt to escape the shrimping.

Who'd have thought the oddest event of the day would happen at the first bar we visited?
Beers drunk: Bud Lite (me), Bud Lite (Brandon)


10:50am: The Grand Saloon. [map]

This places has free BBQ on Saturday afternoons around 4:00. We discussed Ray Harryhousen and in particular The Kraken, and a special personal meaning of "The Wrath of Khan".
Beers drunk: Miller Light (me), Bud Select (Brandon)


11:15am: Walsh's Corner Cocktail. [map]

This place was decked out in an Irish decor but didn't have any Irish beers on tap. We were the only customers in the place.
Beers drunk: Natural Lite (me), Natural Lite (Brandon)

This is where we parked the car for the day and did the rest on foot. From here on out, we followed Wornall and/or the Trolley Track Trail north hitting up all the bars we saw.


11:25am: The Village Lounge. [map]

The movie "First Knight" was being shown on all the bar TVs.
Beers drunk: Michelob Ultra Amber (me), Miller (Brandon)


11:55am: Jake's Smokehouse BBQ. [map]

I can't remember if we went here with the intention of eating or just to check to see if they had any beer. Well, we didn't eat. :)
Beers drunk: Guiness (me), Guiness (Brandon)


12:20pm: DeAngelo's. [map]

This place has a cool split-level bar, with a big screen in one corner and a pool table in another.
Beers drunk: Miller Lite (me), Bud (Brandon)


Our next stop was Cash America Pawn [map], not because we needed more booze change but just because we wanted to have a look around.

On the way to the next bar we stopped at Taco Bell for some cold drinks to recharge ourselves and to use what could be the world's tallest urinal. (I'm 6'4" and almost had to stand on my toes.) [map]


1:00pm: Tommy Farha's. [map]

The place with the white hearse in front.
Beers drunk: Michelob Lite (me), Michelob Ultra (Brandon)


We then made a side trip into Waldo Pets to look at all the cool fish and reptiles. [map]





Drunken visits to pet stores rock.


Our next stop was the Berliner Bear. [map]
Now, we already knew before going in that they had lost their liquor license in part due to the fallout from an incident there in the Spring of 2005. But we played dumb and went in to ask for beer anyway, because we just had to go in and see for ourselves the place where this happened last year:



1:55pm: Lew's Grill & Bar. [map]
Beers drunk: Coors Light (me), Coors Light (Brandon)


2:30pm: 75th Street Brewery. [map]
Beers drunk: Muddy Mo Stout (me) Weed Whacker (Brandon)


3:00pm: Kennedy's. [map]
The place where the men's restroom is the entire second floor.
Beer drunk: Harp (me), Harp (Brandon) (I think)


3:30pm: Fin's Waldo Bar & Grill. [map]
All the TVs here were showing "The Patriot"
Beers drunk: PBR (me) PBR (Brandon) (I think)


4:00pm: Bobby Baker's Lounge. [map]
At $4 a draw this was the most expensive beer we bought all day. Unfortunately for Brandon this fell on his turn to pay.
Beers drunk: Guiness (me), Guiness (Brandon)


4:20pm: Tanner's. [map]
We took a little bit of a break here and had some lunch.
Beers drunk: Flying Monkey (me), Flying Monkey (Brandon)


5:45pm: Back at Brandon's house to watch some TV and get our second wind.
Beers drunk: Wild Huckleberry (me), ?? (Brandon)


7:00pm: Governor Stumpy's. [map]
We spent a lot of time here playing bar trivia.
Beers drunk: Stella Artois (me), a Margarita (Brandon) (ok, technically not a beer)


Bye-bye, BrandsMart...



8:40pm: The Gaf. [map]
A bartender told us on a prior visit that they may start serving tapas here soon. Our bartender today was a recent transplant from New Zealand.
Beers drunk: Smithwick's (me) Strongbow (Brandon)


9:10pm: The Brooksider. [map]

Beers drunk: Bud Lite (me), Bud Lite (Brandon)


9:35pm: Charlie Hooper's. [map]

Beers drunk: Miller High Life (me), Miller High Life (Brandon)


We were now pretty hungry and worked out way towards the Plaza. We first went to The Peanut [map] only to find it way too packed, so we used the restroom and then slipped out the back door. We continued on to The Plaza. Our next attempt was O'Dowd's [map] but they had a cover charge and neither of us like to pay just to buy beer. Next try was California Pizza Kitchen -- closed. We then tried another place and it was closed too. Finally we tried Pizzeria Uno, success!


11:05pm: Pizzeria Uno. [map] Important note: they are open until 1:30 and never stop serving food. We got our supper here.
Beer drunk: None -- we tried and tried and just couldn't get any more beer into us.


Brandon's wife picked us up at midnight and took us back to their house, where my girlfriend arrived a moment later to take me back home.

STATS:

Total bars visited: 19 (but only drank at 17 of them)
Total beers consumed by each: 19
Men's room visits: Too numerous to count
Questionable shrimp avoided: 2 lbs.

My beers:

• Wild Huckleberry (x2)
• Bud Lite (x2)
• Miller Lite (x2)
• Natural Light
• Michelob Ultra Amber
• Guiness (x2)
• Michelob Lite
• Coors Lite
• Muddy Mo Stout
• Harp
• PBR
• Flying Monkey
• Stella Artois
• Smithwick's
• Miller High Life

Brandon's beers:

• Wild Huckleberry
• Bud Lite (x2)
• Bud Select
• Natural Light
• Miller
• Guiness (x2)
• Bud
• Michelob Ultra
• Coors Lite
• Weed Whacker
• Harp
• PBR
• Flying Monkey
• ??
• Margarita* (not technically a beer but we'll count it)
• Strongbow
• Miller High Life

It was a great day and a lot of fun. Amazingly, no hangover! Pacing ourselves helpedf, as did actually eating some food this time, drinking lots of water, and not adding any hard liquor to the mix. I'm looking forward to doing it again!

Posted by ScooterJ at 06:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Last night I went to see the annual Memorial Day Fireworks at Union Station/Liberty Memorial. It was the first time I went to the actual site to see them, before this year I'd always watched them from another building or hillside. Here's a couple of pictures, click on them to enlarge them:

On a side note, there were an estimated 35,000 people at this event. Attending was a last minute decision and I missed the last MAX that could get me there in time so I had to drive. I arrived 15 minutes before the fireworks started, parking in a lot only 2 blocks away that had plenty of open spaces. When it ended, though there was a lot of traffic, I didn't get stuck in any at all and was back home about 12 minutes after I got into the car. So though it's a dead horse, so much for all the naysayer claims that traffic in and out of the Truman Sports Complex is way easier and that Downtown's street grid can't handle a large volume of traffic.

Posted by ScooterJ at 10:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)