Living in the Scoot Utopia

This past Saturday (May 27) my friend Brandon and I spent the most of the day (about 15 hours) barhopping along Wornall and the Trolley Track Trail.

We met for breakfast at 9:15am at Sharp's [map] in Brookside. After filling up we made a stop at Brandon's house where we each kicked it off with a bottle of Wild Huckleberry Wheat Lager that he brought back from a recent trip to Montana. We then headed down to 89th & Wornall to start off our journey.

10:30am: Flo's Poke-a-Dot Lounge. [map]

Flo turns out to be a man... short for Floyd. This bar has a classic painting of a nude woman on black velvet hanging on the wall. We were the only customers under the age of 60. As we were close to finishing our beers, a napkin was suddenly slid in front of Brandon. Before I could look to see what was going on, Brandon leaned over to me and whispered "How fast can you chug your beer?" "Pretty fast," I replied. "Do it," he said. We chugged. Why? An old man to his left had just pulled out a plastic bag filled with 2 pounds of shrimp and started passing it around. Now I love shrimp, but I'm not going to eat it from a plastic bag brought in by some old guy at a bar. We made excuses about beeing full and bolted. As we started to back out of the parking space another old man knocked on the car window, holding a fistfull of shrimp. "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" laughed the old man, fleeing the bar in an unsuccessful attempt to escape the shrimping.

Who'd have thought the oddest event of the day would happen at the first bar we visited?
Beers drunk: Bud Lite (me), Bud Lite (Brandon)


10:50am: The Grand Saloon. [map]

This places has free BBQ on Saturday afternoons around 4:00. We discussed Ray Harryhousen and in particular The Kraken, and a special personal meaning of "The Wrath of Khan".
Beers drunk: Miller Light (me), Bud Select (Brandon)


11:15am: Walsh's Corner Cocktail. [map]

This place was decked out in an Irish decor but didn't have any Irish beers on tap. We were the only customers in the place.
Beers drunk: Natural Lite (me), Natural Lite (Brandon)

This is where we parked the car for the day and did the rest on foot. From here on out, we followed Wornall and/or the Trolley Track Trail north hitting up all the bars we saw.


11:25am: The Village Lounge. [map]

The movie "First Knight" was being shown on all the bar TVs.
Beers drunk: Michelob Ultra Amber (me), Miller (Brandon)


11:55am: Jake's Smokehouse BBQ. [map]

I can't remember if we went here with the intention of eating or just to check to see if they had any beer. Well, we didn't eat. :)
Beers drunk: Guiness (me), Guiness (Brandon)


12:20pm: DeAngelo's. [map]

This place has a cool split-level bar, with a big screen in one corner and a pool table in another.
Beers drunk: Miller Lite (me), Bud (Brandon)


Our next stop was Cash America Pawn [map], not because we needed more booze change but just because we wanted to have a look around.

On the way to the next bar we stopped at Taco Bell for some cold drinks to recharge ourselves and to use what could be the world's tallest urinal. (I'm 6'4" and almost had to stand on my toes.) [map]


1:00pm: Tommy Farha's. [map]

The place with the white hearse in front.
Beers drunk: Michelob Lite (me), Michelob Ultra (Brandon)


We then made a side trip into Waldo Pets to look at all the cool fish and reptiles. [map]





Drunken visits to pet stores rock.


Our next stop was the Berliner Bear. [map]
Now, we already knew before going in that they had lost their liquor license in part due to the fallout from an incident there in the Spring of 2005. But we played dumb and went in to ask for beer anyway, because we just had to go in and see for ourselves the place where this happened last year:



1:55pm: Lew's Grill & Bar. [map]
Beers drunk: Coors Light (me), Coors Light (Brandon)


2:30pm: 75th Street Brewery. [map]
Beers drunk: Muddy Mo Stout (me) Weed Whacker (Brandon)


3:00pm: Kennedy's. [map]
The place where the men's restroom is the entire second floor.
Beer drunk: Harp (me), Harp (Brandon) (I think)


3:30pm: Fin's Waldo Bar & Grill. [map]
All the TVs here were showing "The Patriot"
Beers drunk: PBR (me) PBR (Brandon) (I think)


4:00pm: Bobby Baker's Lounge. [map]
At $4 a draw this was the most expensive beer we bought all day. Unfortunately for Brandon this fell on his turn to pay.
Beers drunk: Guiness (me), Guiness (Brandon)


4:20pm: Tanner's. [map]
We took a little bit of a break here and had some lunch.
Beers drunk: Flying Monkey (me), Flying Monkey (Brandon)


5:45pm: Back at Brandon's house to watch some TV and get our second wind.
Beers drunk: Wild Huckleberry (me), ?? (Brandon)


7:00pm: Governor Stumpy's. [map]
We spent a lot of time here playing bar trivia.
Beers drunk: Stella Artois (me), a Margarita (Brandon) (ok, technically not a beer)


Bye-bye, BrandsMart...



8:40pm: The Gaf. [map]
A bartender told us on a prior visit that they may start serving tapas here soon. Our bartender today was a recent transplant from New Zealand.
Beers drunk: Smithwick's (me) Strongbow (Brandon)


9:10pm: The Brooksider. [map]

Beers drunk: Bud Lite (me), Bud Lite (Brandon)


9:35pm: Charlie Hooper's. [map]

Beers drunk: Miller High Life (me), Miller High Life (Brandon)


We were now pretty hungry and worked out way towards the Plaza. We first went to The Peanut [map] only to find it way too packed, so we used the restroom and then slipped out the back door. We continued on to The Plaza. Our next attempt was O'Dowd's [map] but they had a cover charge and neither of us like to pay just to buy beer. Next try was California Pizza Kitchen -- closed. We then tried another place and it was closed too. Finally we tried Pizzeria Uno, success!


11:05pm: Pizzeria Uno. [map] Important note: they are open until 1:30 and never stop serving food. We got our supper here.
Beer drunk: None -- we tried and tried and just couldn't get any more beer into us.


Brandon's wife picked us up at midnight and took us back to their house, where my girlfriend arrived a moment later to take me back home.

STATS:

Total bars visited: 19 (but only drank at 17 of them)
Total beers consumed by each: 19
Men's room visits: Too numerous to count
Questionable shrimp avoided: 2 lbs.

My beers:

• Wild Huckleberry (x2)
• Bud Lite (x2)
• Miller Lite (x2)
• Natural Light
• Michelob Ultra Amber
• Guiness (x2)
• Michelob Lite
• Coors Lite
• Muddy Mo Stout
• Harp
• PBR
• Flying Monkey
• Stella Artois
• Smithwick's
• Miller High Life

Brandon's beers:

• Wild Huckleberry
• Bud Lite (x2)
• Bud Select
• Natural Light
• Miller
• Guiness (x2)
• Bud
• Michelob Ultra
• Coors Lite
• Weed Whacker
• Harp
• PBR
• Flying Monkey
• ??
• Margarita* (not technically a beer but we'll count it)
• Strongbow
• Miller High Life

It was a great day and a lot of fun. Amazingly, no hangover! Pacing ourselves helpedf, as did actually eating some food this time, drinking lots of water, and not adding any hard liquor to the mix. I'm looking forward to doing it again!

Posted by ScooterJ at 06:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

This past Tuesday my buddy Brandon and I took the afternoon off and decided to go barhopping at various dives up north.

STOP 1:  We began the journey in Riverside at The Jockey Club, where we sat in an empty bar for about 3 or 4 minutes before the proprieter came in through the back. Beer selections were limited to what bottles he had in the big tub of ice on the bar.

As you can see from the photos above, the Jockey Club looks as prestigious as it sounds. Fact is, it's not really a club and we didn't see a single jockey. It did kinda smell like horse. --Brandon

STOP 2:  After 1 beer each (total cost, $3) we moved on to The Runaway.

At first glance, the name Runaway almost sounds like a warning. But for those of you who are willing to ignore this foreboding sign and belly up to the bar, you will find cheap beer and a wall covered in pictures of drunken bar patrons. That's just good advertising. --Brandon

Another beer down each. I forget the cost but I think it was $4 total.

STOP 3:  Then we went to Shooter's, home of the $4 pitcher. So we committed our first violation of our 1-beer-per-place rule and got the pitcher.

The bartender at shooters was incredible. We ordered a pitcher of Miller Lite and she gave us a pitcher of Coor's Light. How did she know we really didn't care what kind of beer she served us? Amazing. --Brandon

STOP 4:  We then went across the street to Moxie Bar & Grill, where we got a beer each for a total of $4.

The Moxie- "Home of the Big Red Ashtray" (it's on their uniforms) --Brandon

STOP 5:  Moving south into North Kansas City, our next stop was Pat's Pub.

We love Pat's because they have condiments right at your fingertips. For those of you who like a little Worcestershire with your beer - you are home. --Brandon

And here's Pat herself!

I forgot to take the phone off camera mode and went to go use the bathroom. While in there I checked to see what time it was and as a result have one additional picture from this place that I will not be sharing.

STOP 6:  After we left here the alcohol was really starting to kick in. Our next stop was Bar 12, which I thought was centered when I took this picture but is actually to the left.

This was the fastest bartender we had all day. This picture was taken with a Canon EOS-1D Mark II with 8.2 megapixel CMOS Sensor and 40 frame JPEG image burst capability. As you can see, she's still a blur. We called her "Flash"; she seemed to really take to it. --Brandon

From here on out I can no longer say for sure what was had at each place. Neither of us ever paid more than $2 for a drink though, and we found $1 draws and $4 pitchers at several places.

STOP 7:  I am not sure what this place was, it was slightly further south on Swift:

There was a little mop dog walking around inside, and this was the kind of place where when I tried to tip the bartender for the beer, he was dumbfounded.

By this time we started getting a little tired, so the bartender let us take a nap in his camper. --Brandon

STOP 8:  Our next stop was over on Choteau at a place simply called The Bar.

As you can see above, The Bar is the home of "Great Bucket Specials". We saw one of the buckets, and I'll have to admit, it was pretty nice. --Brandon

This was probably the busiest of our stops today.

STOP 9:  Next door to The Bar was Harry's TS Corner Bar & Grill.

Harry T's is located right next door to The Bar. The sign on top states that they have "Daily Lunch Specials". As you can imagine, the closeness of these establishments has led to a lot of tension between the two. The argument of the "Great Bucket Special" versus the "Daily Lunch Special" continues to this day. --Brandon

STOP 10:  After here we went to a town I'd heard of but never seen before, Avondale, where we found Depot Saloon.

With a name like "The Depot Saloon" we knew there had to be some great history tied to thebuilding. We figured it must have been an old train depot at one time, so we asked the bartender and she replied, "I don't know." So, that was pretty interesting. --Brandon

STOP 11:  Our final stop was back in North Kansas City at River Aces, where we succumbed to the temptation of another $4 pitcher.

The crowd at River Aces enjoys cold beer and Wheel of Fortune. It's a team effort, so if you think you know it, go ahead and shout it out. If you are too drunk to read, then just shout out anything that comes to mind. --Brandon

We then went bowling (last night of league night this season) where I bowled horrifically, stumbled over the ball return, and was slipped a tequila shot and a gin & tonic.

The night finally ended at Harry's Country Club, where I sipped on water and ate the first food I had had all day. Not eating on the day of a planned pub crawl was dumb. :)

Amazingly, I got to work on time the next morning!

At the start of the final bowling league meeting, which I accidently missed: Seth: Wait, where the f**k is Scoot?!? Andy: I think I saw him coming out of River Aces. All: (laughter) Andy: No,... I'm serious!

Posted by ScooterJ at 07:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Last night was my best friend's 35th birthday. After my bowling team gave his bowling team a 3-1 beating (during which we all, but he especially, consumed a great many beers), the gang went over to Harry's Country Club, our usual post-bowling haunt.

Now, I had promised to pick up his tab as a birthday gesture but I never got the chance because so many people kept buying him shots. Ten in all. Well, technically eleven, but we'll get to that in a minute.

Before the shots began, Ken said "My goal for tonight is to get so drunk that I throw up."

After the 10th shot, Ken said "My goal for tonight is to not throw up."

He failed in that goal, spending more than half an hour in the men's room at Harry's.

Stop reading now if you are easily offended.

Classic lines from the evening:

• Ken (after downing a Prairie Fire): "Damn, that shot tasted like going down on a woman with a yeast infection."
  
• Ken (after one of the women at our table challenged him with 'How do you know my breasts are real?'): "Of course they're real, they're too small to be fake."
  
• Ken (repeatedly in the Harry's men's room, into a manhole on Missouri Avenue, and into a trash can at my place): "BLLLHAAAAAGHGAHAGHAGHAGHHHHHH"
  
• Some worthless bum who wandered into Harry's, interrupting Ken mid-yack in his stall in the men's room: "Hey buddy, can you spare a few bucks to buy me a drink."
  
• Nik Domann, calling my cell from inside Harry's as he watched me standing in the middle of the street helping Ken as he got sick again: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
  

Don't worry, Ken didn't drive last night. He crashed at my place and made it in to work by 8:00 this morning.

Happy birthday!

PS - What about that 11th shot?

As 11:09pm neared (the actual offical time of Ken's birthday), I stopped by the bar and ordered a pair of shots for Ken and me. For me I requested a Starry Night. For Ken, who I already knew needed to be cut off, I requested them to make up something non-alcoholic that looked like a Starry Night, as a joke.

Unfortunately by the time I got it, Ken had just begun his Porcelain Odyssey and the thought of tricking him like that seemed too cruel. When Ken finally returned, though, pressure from everyone else caused me to present him with his "shot". He was mortified. Even though I finally confessed it wasn't real, he wouldn't drink it. What was by them warm Coke mixed with sugar water probably would have only made matters worse. :)

Posted by ScooterJ at 08:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

1. Be the 5th-grader who proposed a law banning the sale of cold beer in Missouri.
2. Watch the law get passed.
3. Grow up to drinking age.

Posted by ScooterJ at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Rumor has it that the owners of The Peanut plan to open a new bar called The Acorn in the new HOK building at 3rd & Wyandotte. This will put a bar, for all practical purposes, right across the street from me.

Though I do like The Peanut - Downtown (the one on 9th) a lot, and having a bar across the street is definitely convenient, I'll probably still do most of my stumbling an extra few blocks over to Harry's Country Club. Convenience is nice but atmosphere, friendliness, and coolness outweigh it. I just can't imagine a neighborhood bar in a building made of aluminum and glass having any charm.

Posted by ScooterJ at 12:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This last Tuesday I decided to experiment with bowling sober to see if it would have any effect on my game. So I relinquished the glass (not shot... glass) of brandy or jaeger that I usually enjoy before I even leave the house, and once I got to the bowling alley I nursed only one beer per hour.

The end result? No effect whatsoever. My results were exactly the same sober as they typically are when the entire alley is swaying.

I still wound up lit at Harry's afterwards and lost two bucks in wagers involving Sethlifting.

Posted by ScooterJ at 12:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Weekend recap...

Friday
Got off work fully anticipating going to First Friday as usual. But we got a late start and dinner at the Mango Room ran long. By the time the MAX showed up after dinner we realized we'd have maybe half an hour at best before the galleries started shutting down. We started walking to Harry's, but about halfway decided to just head home instead where beer is free.

We had planned to later go to a party at the home of Seth's friend Bruno. But, exhausted from a very tiring week, I ended up falling asleep around 9:30.

Saturday
Got up and did some shopping at the City Market. Went to the Diner for breakfast where I again admired the brick with my name on it.

The highlight of the day was a 20th Anniversary Party for my buds Seth and Aaron. It was a blast, and even though I got there late and left "early" (though later I learned that what I thought was an 11:30 departure was closer to 2:00am) I did get pretty pleasantly sloshed. Thankully I learned later that I was not the drunkest person there by a long shot and that the cclosest thing I did to anything embarassing was to get the giggles. Happy 20th, fellas!

Posted by ScooterJ at 10:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)