Knoxville, Iowa. Off to the Races!

16 July 2010 No Comment

(Part four in a series…)

After Columbia we headed north into Knoxville, a town known for racing. In fact there was a race scheduled to begin in a few hours, and everyone we met assumed we were here for the races.

We began by hitting up the three bars on the main drag…

#5 (#740): VFW Post 3519

413 S Lincoln St
Knoxville, IA 50138
(641) 842-3519

[map]

From the Google Maps Street View of this place, we were unable to determine in advance if this would be a bar that was open to the public or not. Even when we arrived in the parking lot, where a vendor was selling produce, we weren’t certain. It wasn’t until we saw the “Must be 21 to enter” sign on the door that we knew for sure.

This is a nice place. Our bartender’s name was Trish and she was very friendly. She gave us lots of good info about the other bars in town.

This bar featured a pool table, a MegaTouch machine, and several video slots and video poker machines.

I had a good enough time here that I needed a souvenier, so I bought myself an official VFW Post 3519 beer koozie.

When we left we found this in the parking lot…

#6 (#741): Dan’s Village Pump

210 N Lincoln St.
Knoxville, IA 50138
(641) 842-4444

[map]

The glare of the sun in this Google Maps Street View image left us with virtually no advance knowledge about this bar. We had narrowed it down to likely being one of these buildings, but with virtually no other online presence we really had little to go on.

Nonetheless we pulled into the parking lot of what turned out to be a tiny motel, and after a moment spotted the bar’s entrance in the white building on the corner.

This was a small room, with a pool table and video slots surrounding a small L-shaped bar. We took the last two available stools in the back corner.

Dan, for whom the bar is named, passed away in 2008. Our bartender was a nice woman with a good sense of humor. She asked where we were from and wondered how we found her way to the bar. She pointed out that I was sitting next to the pump, and for some reason I responded by inserting my finger into the pump’s spigot. I immediately yanked it back out.

“I should know better than to stick my finger into random holes in an unfamiliar bar,” I said.

“Yeah, you probably shouldn’t stick any part of you in any hole in this place,” she said with a laugh.

Speaking of holes, the sink in the men’s room was stainless steel rounded by a kitchen-like countertop. But, most noteworthy, it was chest-high. We’d soon learn that for some reason that’s a staple in this town.

The pump…

The bar’s “turtelope”, rumored to have been pumped out of the bar’s pump as a baby.

#7 (#742): Dingus Lounge

713 N. Lincoln St.
Knoxville, IA 50138
(641) 842-2010

[map] [web]

This was a place we had to go to just for the name alone. However it was a challenge to find. First problem: Google Maps had the location off by more than a block. Second problem: address numbers on buildings were view and far between. Final problem… the bar’s sign, which I later found in Street View, was missing. We finally managed to find the place after we flagged down a local in a golf cart and asked for help.

Inside the walls are painted cinder blocks, covered in years of graffiti similar to Zoo Bar back home.

There were a few customers at first but as we settled inm to place some Golden Tee (which we had to abandon and go for Silver Strike as Golden Tee was broken), it emptied out. Nonetheless the staff were busily preparing, as races would be underway at the speedway across the street in a few hours and this place would be packed.

In addition to the Silver Strike / Broken Golden Tee, there was a pool table, video slots, and an ATM.

The bartender was unable to find any marker, but we dug some out of the car and made our own marks on the walls of the bar.

The poor toilet. It must be lonely playing second fiddle to the irresistable draw of a stainless steel wedge-shaped trough.

By the way, I’d swear the chest-high sink here was even higher.

After we finished these three bars it was time to head downtown for a couple more on the square…

Knoxville's courthouse

Vinery in downtown Knoxville

#8 (#743): American Legion Post 168

314 E. Robinson St.
Knoxville, IA 50138
(641) 842-2308

[map]

Based on how this American Legion looks on the outside, we didn’t originally expect there to be a bar at all. But Trish back at the VFW assured us it was all bar.

Sure enugh, inside we found a weird, angular bar (almost sigma-shaped but not quite) with a gap in the center. There were no pool tables, but there was a poker table. As usual around here, video slots were also present.

There were four TVs in the bar, and two two that were on were tuned to “Heartbreak Ridge”.

I liked these sketches of historic buildings in Knoxville.

#9 (#744): Sandals Lounge

208 E. Robinson St.
Knoxville, IA 50138
(641) 828-2016

[map] [web]

This turned out to be a basement bar. It was a HUGE place. Several pool tables, darts, foosball, and video slots. There was an area for bands.

The men’s room was painted a blinding shade of chartreuse, and the sink inside was the highest I have ever encounter at any bar anywhere. It was nearly at my nipples. And I’m tall.

The highlight of the visit came as my friend was outside making a phone call. A drunk biker became very agitated while telling the story of a recent visit to the dentist. His story turned into a an obscenity-laced tirade against his dentist, then doctors and lawyers, and finally all people with white-collar jobs. “It’s a good thing for blue collar people keeping things running,” he said. “Glad we’re all blue collar here.”

Then he spotted me.

“YOU!!!” he shouted, pointing at me. “You’re not white-collar, are you?!?”

“Ummm…” I replied, “Uh… I want to live, so, ummm, no comment?”

“What do you do?” he asked me.

“I’m a computer programmer,” he said.

He mulled that over for a moment.

“Well, I’m sure you’re writing programs for The Man, so you’re okay.”

Here is a small except of his rant, captured on my phone…