Question 1: You find yourself driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Do you…

1. Speed up and drive as fast as you can to the far end of the street, despite the fact that no one entering traffic or stepping off a sidewalk will be looking in your direction?
2. Honk at all the incoming traffic for going the “wrong” way?
3. Get off this street as soon as possible by turning the wrong way on the first available one-way cross street?

If you chose any of the above, congratulations! You were a suburbanite driving around downtown this weekend. Unfortunately, however, the correct answer is “What are you doing driving the wrong-way on a one-way street in the first place?”

Question 2: You are on a multi-lane street and you want to turn left. Do you…

1. Ignore the left lane that has a left arrow painted on it and turn left instead from one of the center lanes?
2. Get into the far right lane, the one that has the right-turn arrow painted on it, and turn left from there?

If you chose either of the above, congratulations! You were a suburbanite driving around downtown this weekend. Unfortunately, however, the correct answer is “Go back to Driver’s Ed.”

Question 3: You come to a stop sign and are faced with a no-left-turn sign, a one-way arrow pointing right, and a “do not enter” sign facing you from the street ahead. Do you…

1. Turn left?
2. Go straight?

If you chose either of the above, congratulations! You were a suburbanite driving around downtown this weekend. Why doesn’t it occur to anyone to turn right???

Question 4: You are at an all-way stop controlled by stop signs. Do you…

1. Sit there staring into space with a confused look on your face for a minute or so?
2. Follow the lead of the vehicle ahead of you and join about half a dozen other SUVs in blowing through the stop sign before anyone else can get a chance to take their turn?
3. Signal a right turn, then change it to signaling a left turn, then go straight?

If you chose any of the above, congratulations! You were a suburbanite driving around downtown this weekend. Unfortunately the correct answer is “cut up your driver’s license and mail it back to Topeka.”

This only scratches the surface of the horribly bad driving I witnessed this past weekend, one of the dumbest weekends for driving in recent memory.