Or at least that’s what she might as well be saying as she flagrantly mocks the struggles of amputees in her latest film, “I Know Who Killed Me.”

In this “suspense” “thriller” that strains credibility to such an extent that by the climax the audience was actually laughing, Lohan spends much of the first half of the movie as a double-amputee. But then, just as the special effects budget was running out, Crab Man saved the day by fitting her with prosthetic limbs in a single office visit and covering them with latex gloves so that no more money had to be spent digitally erasing her limbs.
Then, after mere minutes of demonstration (evident by the lack of a montage that would normally appear at this point, not to mention that the entire movie seems to take place over a 3-week period), Lohan completely masters the use of her new limbs. Just a few days after losing an arm and a leg, Lohan is now walking normally and able to grasp objects with ease. Other people such as Cameron who spend months in physical therapy learning to use their new limbs are chumps by comparison.
And while dorks like Cameron have to have special legs designed for different purposes — one set for stairs and one set for running, for example — and spend weeks to months mastering the use of each set, Lohan’s all-purpose leg has her running, using stairs, crouching, climbing, and slinking about without any practice whatsoever! All she has to worry about is remembering to recharge her leg, but even that is quickly remedied because the charge running out only seems to create a few seconds of inconvenience while crossing the street before full functionality “miraculously” returns.
Surprisingly, this was not the worst movie I’ve seen in the 2007 Bad Movie Night season, but it’s definitely in the Top 5.