Living in the Scoot Utopia

Due to a number of unexpected circumstances, last wek's Thursday I ended up getting far more lit at karaoke than I had intended. Extremely lit. So lit, in fact, that for only the second time in my life I got sick from drinking. But I had a pretty good handle on what went down and kept my composure for the most part. Or so I thought.

Fast forward to this week, when I'm sitting at the bar prior to karaoke and the song "Lean On Me" starts playing. "That was fun when we sang that last week," the guy sitting next to me said.

"We sang that?" I asked.

"Yeah, it was the last song of the night," he said.

"I don't remember that at all," I said.

"Oh yeah, that's right," he said as his face lit up with a big smile, "you were totally wasted."

Here is a timeline of the events as I remember them:

1. Around midnight, my friend Nik leaves, mentioning he's heading to The Velvet Dog.
2. A few minutes later, my friend Rob plops down next to me and we chat for about 5-10 minutes and we have a shot.
3. Suddenly I'm at the opposite end of the bar saying bye to Rob, who mentions he's also going to the Velvet Dog.
4. I return to the barstool for a few minutes, and notice that the bar is empty. I start to not feel well and head towards the restroom.
5. I sit on a bench for about a minute, then get very nauseous and run into the restroom.
6. I don't make it in time, and throw up a few feet shy of the toilet.
7. I apologize profusely as my mess gets mopped up seconds later.
8. I'm suddenly at home, throwing up a second time in my bathroom.
9. I wake up Friday morning to go to work.

I have since gotten eyewitness accounts to fill in what were apparently some blanks. With those interviews filling in my missing memories, here's the timeline what actually happened.

1. My friend Nik leaves, not sure what time, mentioning he's heading to The Velvet Dog.
2. Several more people sing. Then, around 12:30am, they call the last song of the night. "Lean On Me". Everyone still at the bar gets up to sing. I sing and dance along towards the back.
3. I go to use the restroom.
4. On my way back from the restroom, I go into the kitchen and proceed to dance for a couple of minutes.
5. I return to my barstool, order one last beer, and close my tab.
6. A few minutes later, my friend Rob plops down next to me and we chat for about an hour and we have a shot.
7. I make another trip to the restroom. As I am returning, I notice a chair that someone has knocked over and I put it back where it belongs.
8. When I get back into the bar area Rob is leaving. I say bye to him, and he mentions he and his gang are going to The Velvet Dog.
9. I exchange text messages with Nik.
10. I return to my barstool and sit staring off into space until finally all the other customers are gone and the bar is closing. But I do not put my head down nor pass out. I'm like this for at least half an hour.
11. I start to not feel well and head towards the restroom.
12. I sit on a bench for about 15 minutes, then get very nauseous and run into the restroom.
13. I don't make it in time, and throw up a few feet shy of the toilet.
14. I apologize profusely as my mess gets mopped up about 10 minutes later.
15. I then continue to apologize for about the next 20 minutes as the bar is shut down. Somehow, I manage to help with closing.
16. I'm given a ride home.
17. 20 seconds into the ride, I mention that I feel sick and am about to throw up. My window gets rolled down so that I can yak out the window.
18. 5 seconds later, I ask why the window is down and complain that it's cold. I never get sick.
19. For most of the ride home I talk about how important it is that my dog gets petted but that if I lean over to pet her I'll tip over.
20. Heading down my street, I notice the brake lights of a car at the end of the block. "Oooo!!! Pretty red lights!!!" I exclaim.
21. When the car is parked, I get out and take off running.
22. I get corralled into my apartment, where I pet my dog and then plop down on the couch.
23. I spend several minutes telling my dog what a pretty, nice dog she is.
24. I feel like I'm going to be sick, head to the bathroom, and stand there for 10 minutes doing nothing.
25. I return to the couch and sit for several minutes staring off into space.
26. I return to the bathroom a second time, stand still for several minutes, then throw up again.
27. I brush my teeth and return to the couch.
28. After several minutes I return to the bathroom, this time disappearing for half an hour. I don't do anything. I'm found sitting on the lid of the toilet staring at the wall with my pants half on and half off.
29. I return to the couch where i sit with a blank expression until around 3:15am before finally going to bed.
30. 2 hours later my alarm goes off for me to go to work.

Yikes! I never want to get that lit again!

Curse me for forgetting that I was drinking 24 oz beers instead of my usual 16 oz beers yet drinking just as many as I normally would.

Curse everyone who put Jaeger shots in front of me.

Curse Nikitra for accidently inventing a new drink packed with a multitude of liquers after I ordered a Black Russian.

Curse me for drinking it anyway.

And, most of all, curse chicken strips. I only wanted to see them once.