Living in the Scoot Utopia

My favorite mall in the metro area is Independence Center, but the fact that I only go there about once a year tells you how much I like malls. But I was there last night, and one thing I noticed was how many gangsta wannabes are slinking around that place these days.

You can't really see it in any of my camera phone shots, but this guy's rear pockets are located on the backs of his knees. It would not be possible for him to carry his wallet (or, as he'd more likely want to pretend to, someone else's wallet) in these pockets because they folded into the knee joints with each step.

I'm sorry, but when the already horrible "fashion" of saggy jeans gets that low you no longer look intimidating or threatening, you just look saggy-ass stupid.

A few minutes after seeing that guy I saw another guy that I was unable to get a shot of. He was short, had his ball cap rotated clockwise about 220° and sitting off-kilter off the top-left side of his mini-fro, had his pants down even lower to where you could see the belt-line below his knee-length shirt, was walking "the walk"... all this while pushing a stroller.

I literally stopped in my tracks and stared at this chump.

Sorry, if you are shopping at the Independence Center, you are already not gangsta. Doing so with a stroller makes it even worse. I don't care how far down around your ankles your pants are, your other homies are never going to be able to shoot you if they can't stop laughing long enough to draw their weapons. So give it up.

A few minutes after I encountered this guy I came across living proof that gansta wannabes in shopping malls are not intimidating and instead are just placed there for our amusement. In another case of pants-so-low-the-pockets-are-on-the-calves, this next guy tripped over his own saggy britches and fell flat on his face. While walking at the whopping speed of about 2 miles per hour. There's no way a guy like this is going to kill anyone. This Chumley could never chase them down, and by the time he can reach down far enough to find his gun his victim will alreay have sprinted half a mile away.

Now, I do have a few notes for some of the suburban white people I saw too:

* To two different men I saw: If it's cold enough that you are wearing your winter coat, you do not wear shorts at the same time. Especially not in public. Stop looking stupid.

* To the teenager I saw dressed like Ali G: If while running to catch up to your friends you have to grip with both hands to keep your pants up, it's time for a new look.

Posted by ScooterJ at 09:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I arrived pretty late for karaoke at Winslow's on 12/22, but having just left my company's Christmas party I brought about half of my co-workers and their significant others with me. It was a standing room only crowd but I still managed to get a few songs in. My solo efforts were Elvira, Folsom Prison Blues, and the Elvis version of Here Comes Santa Claus. I also got to do Jackson as a duet, and YMCA and Lean On Me as group efforts with several of my co-workers. One of the regulars was miffed that I got to do all those songs while he only got to do three, but I think it helps when they see that you brought half the night's business in with you. :)

On 12/29 a few of my friends showed up on a night that was already slightly busier than usual: Seth, Shaun, Bev, Aaron, and also my brother Kevin and his wife Angie. This was a lot of fun singing with them and hearing their voices in song. My brother's voice stunned me as his singing voice sounds absolutely nothing like his talking voice.

My 12/29 solo efforts were Elvira, Folsom Prison Blues, Ring of Fire, and One Piece At A Time -- which I hadn't done before an I didn't do too well. Again I did Jackson as a duet. Later I did Take Me Home, Country Roads as part of a group.

The highlight though came as the night was winding down. We were mindlessly flipping through the song books when one of us noticed that there were songs listed from The Phantom of The Opera. There was some chuckling about how dorky it would be to sing those songs at karaoke. I was mindlessly tearing a paper towel at the time and tore off a piece that vaguley resembled The Phantom's mask. I quickly ripped out two eye holes, held it to my face, and said "I'm the Phantom of the Opera!"

"Dude, here's five bucks if you sing one of these songs wearing that mask!" said Aaron, laying a fiver on the table.

"Sure, whatever," I said, knowing there'd be no way to get a song in this late.

A moment later Aaron was up talking to the karaoke guy. A few moments later my name was surprisingly called.

I grabbed my mask and some scotch tape and went to the microphone. As I scotch-taped the mask to my face several people began to chuckle.... but then the name of the song I would be singing came up on the screen they got the joke and the chuckling turned to full blown laughter.

So I began singing Music of the Night with this paper towel mask strapped to my face. I started struggling, having not heard it for a while, and also because I forgot it's a duet. Thankfully Shaun came to my rescue and sat himself nearby, grabbed a microphone, and started backing me up. I then serenaded the remainder of the song to him.

After the song was over I jokingly said to Aaron, "Where's my five bucks, bitch?"

"I paid it to the guy to move you to the front of the line," he replied.

Nice. :)

It's really one of those "you had to be there" things, but if you go to Seth's blog you can read his take on the night as well as see a photo of me and my mask.

Tonight I'm going to a NYE karaoke party in KCK. This ought to be an adventure. Details tomorrow!

Posted by ScooterJ at 09:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I haven't posted about how my weight loss is going in a while. That's because for a while it wasn't. :)

My rate of weight loss had been gradually slowing over the summer, then in early October it suddenly reversed and I started gaining rapidly. By mid-November I had gained 12 pounds and was a full 18 pounds over my lowest recorded 2006 weight reading.

So I switched up my diet and ramped up my fitness program and started losing again. I actually managed to lose weight over both the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. As of today I have lost 13 pounds since that peak weight.

At the start of December I was ordered by one of the trainers at my gym to join a new aerobics program they were starting. The goal is to burn 21,000 calories in 10 weeks. I've been going to town with it. By this point in the program I should have burned about 7,000 calories to be on target. I am currently at about 9,600 calories. :) It takes a lot of time and a lot out of me but I have already seen two stunning results:

1. My body shape has altered a little. My legs are much firmer and the only fat that can be found is on the inner thigh. My midsection, while still larger than it should be, is now more straight than pear or apple shaped. All of my clothes are fitting looser. In fact, this weekend I slipped into a pair of size 38 jeans. And I know all you ultra-scrawny waifs out there are thinking "Size 38? What a lardo!" But consider that less than 3 years ago I was a size 48 and I haven't been able to wear pants below size 40 since about 1993.

2. In what is the best news of all, I have not had an abnormal blood sugar reading in the past two weeks. Not a one. Even though I attended 5 Christmas dinners in the past week and had all sorts of sinful, deadly desserts. My body is currently processing carbohydrates like a perfectly healthy individual.
   

Posted by ScooterJ at 09:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Well, one of my busiest Christmases ever has drawn to a close. Over the past few days I've attended five Christmas dinners and six gift exchanges and I now need a holiday from the holidays. :)

My thanks to all of you I have dined with the past week, and my thanks to all of you for all the great gifts! Including...

• Superman II on DVD, both the original cut and the new Richard Donner cut
  
• Barnes & Noble gift card
  
• Dial-an-Excuse
  
• Karaoke Party Revolution for the PS2
  
• Kansas City, Then And Now 2
  
• iMotion (portable desktop sound system for my iPod)
  
• A plaque for my office
  
• A decision-wheel desk toy
  
• An iFish
  
• An assortment of candies (while I'll take to work since they're bad for me :) )
  
• 2 shirts
  
• 3 pairs of jeans
  
• A shower cleaning system (I guess it makes me old that I'm excited about this)
  
• The latest book in the Bathroom Reader series
  
• A coffee grinder
  
• A tic-tac-toe drinking game
  
• A cigar encyclopedia
  
• A framed Three Stooges lithograph
  
• An original It Came from Outer Space movie poster
  
• Three vintage Kansas City postcards (postmarked 1912-1913)
  
• Two vintage sci-fi magazines, one from 1939 and one from 1935
  

I understand that Ken's kids have something for me too so I offer them pre-thanks as well. :)

Now to try to get some rest before New Year's Eve!

Posted by ScooterJ at 07:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's official, I'm a sellout. After resisting peer pressure for months I finally gave in this weekend and set up a myspace account. Mostly I'll be using it as a portal to here but I'm now officially conforming.

Anyway, here it is... http://www.myspace.com/scooterjmurdock

Posted by ScooterJ at 09:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Inspired by a post by Ken, here's a list of various superstitions/rituals/compulsive behaviors that I have.

• While walking, if either thumb accidently touches any any of my knuckles, I must then have it touch all of the other knuckles with the same pressure while simultaneously doing the same with the opposite hand. Once I finish the last finger I then reverse the process. The same thing also happens if a thumb touches any fingertip.

• If I am about to run a dishwasher that someone else loaded, I will unload it and reload it my way: No dishes or cups touching each other, everything facing the same direction, all silverware pointing down, spoons spread out in nearly-equal numbers among all silverware compartments with a knife or fork inserted between every pair of spoons.

• Unless it's my own kitchen, I always use the second plate from the top when selecting a plate from the cupboard.

• I cannot go to sleep without a cup of water next to my bed, even if I am not thirsty and even though I rarely actually take a drink from it.

• I prefer to drink water from plastic cups. I do not like to drink water from a glass. However I do not like to drink anything carbonated from plastic.

• If I step on a crack while walking, I must immediately find another similar crack for the opposite foot to step on.

• If I begin walking using my left foot first, I feel "unbalanced" and must make certain that I end the walk with a firm step by my right foot.

• I never set my alarm clock for any time ending with a 0 or a 5. Usually my alarm goes off at a time ending in a 2 or a 7.

• I always go into anything that I am about to do with an expecation that I will fail. I consider it bad luck to have confidence.

• If I am really worried about something, I believe that if I divulge that worry to someone else then it will not happen.

I'm sure I could go on and on, but that's a good start for now. How about you?

Posted by ScooterJ at 05:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

After a two week hiatus from Karaoke (first due to Thanksgiving, then due to the weather), Karaoke finally returned to Winslow's this past Thursday. But because of the bittter cold, only the diehard regulars showed up. This meant we all got to sing a lot of songs. Unfortunately it also meant ending karaoke early due to too few customersso I didn't make it through my whole list.

The repeats I sang were: Elvira and Green Eyeed Lady. I am about to reture Green Eyed Lady. Though it's one of my favorite songs, I cannot sing it woth a damn.

The new songs I sang were Take It Easy, Jackson, and Ring Of Fire. The latter turned out surprisingly well, fit my vocal range perfectly.

We also had mandatory Christmas songs. I assisted with The Chipmunk Song and later had to go solo on Here Comes Santa Claus.

For the final performance of the evening, everyone in the bar came up and we all sang Lean On Me together.

I probably won't get to do much karaoke in December. Next week I won't be getting there until late and if it's a slow night again there's a chance I might miss it. The week after that my company's holiday party falls on karaoke night. And I haven't heard yet if they're going to have it on thee Thursday between Xmas and New Year's.

Posted by ScooterJ at 05:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last night I had a dream that took place on August 2, 2007. I was having lunch with a couple of my friends (Ken and Nik) and I remembered seeing a trailer for a flick opening on August 17. "That movie is going to be perfect for Bad Movie Night," I said. We definitely need to hit that one up for our last Bad Movie Night before bowling resumes."

"Umm, Scoot?" Ken asked, "you're aware we're not going to be able to see that movie, right?"

"Why not?" I asked.

"Umm... because we're all going to be dead in less than two weeks."

I didn't know what they were talking about, so I asked them to explain. They explained that the world was under seige by aliens and that in 10 days they would arrive and take away all of the water and begin physically toruring every person on Earth. After about 3-4 days of intense torture, they were then going to kill us all by fileting us open.

"Surely that won't happen," I said, "surely our government will figure out some way to stop it."

"The government has done all they can," Nik said. "Their negotiations are the only reason the attack hasn't already started, they were able to buy us all 2 more weeks to live. But that's it."

"I'm not buying it," I said.

"Google it," they both said. "It's all over the web, it's all anyone's been talking about. Where have you been?"

I decided not to Google it, prefering to hold steadfast to my hope that they were just trying to scare me. I wanted to keep my blidssful ignorance. But as the days passed I became filled with more dread and more terror.

Eventually, though, I realized that two weeks had passed and nothing had happened yet. So I called up Ken and asked him, "We're still alive... what the hell?"

"I don't know," he said. "We were all supposed to have been dead by now, just like Tom Cruise and John Travolta predicted."

[long pause]

"Wait a minute," I said. "You had me all worked up and accepted as fact something that a couple of Scientologists predicted????"

"Well, yeah," he said, "it was pretty convincing, even the government was taking action on it."

"Don't you realize that those two put out that same end-of-the-world prediction every year so that when it eventually does happen, whether it's 5, 50, or 5 billion years from now they can still claim credit for predicting it?" I asked, incredulously.

"Ummm... uh.... they do?"

"God you guys are dumb," I said. "Guess what, you get to live."

------------

Though we all lived, I'm still a little creeped out that the dream was set in the future and came with an approximate date range for some sort of disaster.

Posted by ScooterJ at 08:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today I went to go see the new National World War 1 Museum that opened here in Kansas City this weekend.

Those who think that Kansas City can't do anything right need to go see this museum. The experience was amazing, this was one of the best museums I have ever been to. The exhibits consist not only of photos an artiifacts, but also the actual machines of war, life-size recreations of trenches and a bomb crater, and amazing multimedia presentations.

Two rooms feature interactive exhibits that look like something out of the movie Minority Report yet blend seamlessly into the overall experience. Two of the interactive exhibits allow you to create your own "souvenier" art that you can instantly e-mail anywhere -- one allows you to design a memorial frescoe and the other allows you to design a propaganda poster.

The museum was packed, I've never seen so many cars at Liberty Memorial before outside of a special event. When you think "World War 1 Museum" you'd probably think "boring", but not only were the adults mezmerized, the kids and teens I saw were too. I was genuinely impressed seeing teenagers, by themselves, getting completely taken in by the experience.

Kansas City needs to be proud, this was done right and is something to be VERY proud of. Liberty Memorial is now going to become a major tourist attraction.

Click the thubmnail below to see a few pictures I took today...

Posted by ScooterJ at 11:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)