Living in the Scoot Utopia

Each morning the elevators in the building I work in have a new ad posted in them for one of the several retail businesses scattered throughout the various Commerce Bank buildings. Often these are riddled with typos and weird typesetting. For some reason it never occurred to me until today to post any of them.

Here's a corner of today's ad, for a pizza/pasta joint in the lobby.

1. Why are three different font sizes used?
2. Why are two different fonts used?
3. Why is the first half of the second sentence italicized but not the second half?
4. Why is "We'll" capitalized? It is not the start of a new sentence.


But my biggest question...


5. What's with the quote marks around the word "a"?

In a "hurry"? Call ahead and we'll have it ready for you!
This implies that you should use this service if you are not really in a hurry but want to give the impression you are.

In a hurry? Call ahead and "we'll" have it ready for you!
Implies that someone else will actually get it ready.

In a hurry? Call ahead and we'll have it "ready" for you!
Implies that their definition of "ready" may not be exactly what you have in mind.

In a hurry? Call ahead and we'll have it ready for "you"!
Implies they might give your food to someone else.

In "a" hurry? Call ahead and we'll have it ready for you!
I have NO FREAKING IDEA what this implies. :)